okay i'm doing it for real

i've got to get seroius about this.

i am getting really depressed.

my mind goes back and forth between "fasting" and "diet and exercise".

i've got 40 pounds of fat to lose.

if i were to "diet and exercise", i'd lose 1 or 2 pounds a week, that means it will take 20 to 40 weeks, or 5 to 10 MONTHS... that's almost a year.

if i were to "fast", it could only take as little as 20 or 40 days... that's just about a month.

i want to fast.

i believe that i need to abstain, through fasting, from food so that i can have that time to reestablish my relationship with food.

if i were to diet and exercise, i'd have to automatically try to establish a new relationship with food. it's like throwing myself to the lion.

in the past? neither have worked for me. and after a while, my mind starts to tell me that i'm hopeless.

today i looked in the mirror, and could not recognize the woman on the otherside. the only thing i coudl think of, was that it was the reflection of the "new me".

but i don't want that to be the "new me"... i have something else in mind.

off i go again to start tomorrow, sunday - may 28th...

universe give me strength!