Tell them how you behaved when you were their age
and explain that just because their father behaves like Homer Simpson they must grow up..
Give them room (space), respect and responsibilty, take an interest in what they are doig and explain the game plan, that is they are now being groomed for the outside world and this is the plan. For instance explain that you are not locking the door after they get in late at night as this would draw you into a control/dependency relationship one in which they would never learn to grow up without finding a partner who plays the same games (and rhe same cycle of dependency/need relationships start once more).
Explain that this was probably lacking in your life and that this why their father is there, to control you.
Inject honesty (of where things have gone wrong) and you ll be surprised by the results