pain is the touch stone of spiritual growth...
i too have lost a spouse... two as a matter of fact... the first was by a tragic death... but the second was by divorce... the divorce was the hardest to accept because i felt so guilty... took me a long time to learn to deal with it... i kept trying to fix it and only managed to make matters worse... however... once i accepted it and got on with life i discovered that it was a blessing in disguise... (so... things are not always as we perceive them to be...) having time alone gave me an opportunity to discover who i really am...
acceptance is a form of surrender... doesn't mean you have to like the situation you find yourself in... or enjoy it... but simply to accept that it is something beyond your control to change... and there will always be situations... but try to see them as opportunities to learn... we can't undo the past... surrender is the necessary step for letting go and letting God...
to surrender is to cease fighting... is to run up the white flag and say i quit... is to give up and to join the enemy... and i bet if you look really close you'll see that the enemy was your "ego" trying to play God and trying to have everything your way... there's an old saying: "know your enemy and keep him close"... there are many such saying that were a great help to me... "to thine self be true"... and "greater is he that conquers
himself than he that conquers the world"...
i have suffered great pains in my past... i have lost many loved ones... and from my experience i can tell you that you will be a much better... much stronger... and much wiser person for having endured... and having walk through the pain... the soul searching one does at times like these are a necessary part of reaching spiritual maturity... this is an opportunity for you to learn... and to grow spiritually...
what seems a curse may indeed be a blessing... and on the other hand... what seems a blessing may be a curse... have you ever heard the old saying: "be careful what you pray for... or you might get it"... and what we thought would make you happy only turns out to be a nightmare...
the beauty is that already you have discovered that people do love you and concerned about you... see... you're growing already...
love you...
God bless...