Re: my mom is out of control and i'm about to lose it too

Hello Liss,
I'm a 51 year old male, and in my experience, even though males and females react to and deal with emotional issues differently, it's pretty much all the same self-detrimental, chaotic 'human nature'. I've grown up with suicidal thoughts but never actually committed suicide (no kidding) because I don't really believe in suicide as a solution (it's not the solution to anything, it's the end of everything), so I became a workaholic and worked my life away (not a whole lot better, huh?). But, I've learned a lot and think I have some insight to offer.

My understanding is that, the reason people cut themselves is because it makes them feel justified. Because they have LEARNED to have low self-esteem (bad self image), they FEEL that they deserve it because they are disappointed that they have not always been able to establish a perfect 'fairy tale' life. They feel like failures (heartbroken) because their dreams of a good life were destroyed and they feel that they are to blame because they let it happen. But the truth is, they are not to blame, it is the rigors of life and all the predators that want a 'piece of us' that make life unattractive and difficult. This understanding may not be much consolation to her, but if she stopped blaming herself, she would stop cutting.

Of course she feels like a victim, SHE IS, we all are, because there are always people trying to get the better of us, so she DESERVES to feel sorry for herself. True, she should not make a habit out of it (that is just self-detrimental), but if she doesn't feel sorry for herself, who will? Do you love her enough to have a sit-down talk with her and cry for her and let her know that she is not the only one that loves her with as much love as she always had to offer? (The deeper the heart, the more broken it will be from unrequited love). Not everybody is the same, the only reason you have endured better than she has is because you were more fortunate and somewhere along the line had better support.
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