personality changing...

Since this condition, I have more online friends and acquaintances than I have "real time" friends. No one can smell you in cyber space, so you're not judged in that capacity: Thank goodness. As for my personality changes?
My personality has changed and not for the better: I'm more distant, standoffish, bitter, angry, disillusioned, unmotivated, hopeless, introverted, and just utterly a shell of my former shelf.

I hate myself and I hate my life: That's just being completely honest. If I were man enough, I'd kill myself, but I can't bring myself to do something so drastic. So yes, I guess that makes me a coward. Maybe one day I'll just do it, but for now I'm still very much alive. Last night I found myself asking God to kill me: Seriously. I keep asking God, "What's the point of living like this?"

It's quite difficult staying positive. It's like I'm imprisoned within my own body. How frustrating is that? Everyday life is pretty much the same. How many times have you heard others say, "Stay positive? Keep the faith. Keep trying, don't give up. A cure is just around the corner." Every single day of my life is the same o'l tried refrain, and yet, there's nothing I can do to get rid of this horrid condition.

So let me get this straight: According to some religions, if I commit suicide, God will judge me and send me straight to hell, because I murdered myself? And yet, where was God when I was fighting this condition on my own for years? Where was God when I lost my medical career because of this condition? Everything that I knew and had is gone, and yet God would punish me for all eternity, because of something that is beyond my control...unbelievable. Tweet