i have been. you have all the parts, its just a matter of putting them together right.
its not about what you do, its about who you are. you apparently took the first step which is realizing you deserved death. after that its read the scriptures. every word. those words are spirit and they are truth. they will give you knowledge of the father. but head knowledge does not change you. now you must do the scriptures. you walk them out. and in following christ you become like him, as he is like the father.
this cant happen with any of us. we are already defiled and condemned. this is what paul talks about in romans. we literally die at baptism. its instantaneous. you dont feel it. its a spiritual transaction between you and the lord. then the new you can be resurrected inside of you. this is the son of man. we are all females to the lord. thats why a woman submitting to her husband is salvation to her because its the same process. marriage contains all the dynamics between jesus and his bride. they submit one to the other and in return raise up a child of god. only the little ones, starting fresh and innocent, can enter the kingdom of heaven.
so you take in the scriptures and jesus helps you walk them out and kill off vestiges of the old nature. we eat of his things and he eats of our things. the two become one. thus the son of man cometh and this child of god is untainted by the world, without spot or wrinkle. you find yourself changed.
so, is that clear? read the bible and do what the spirit tells you to regardless of what anyone else thinks. and remember, the scriptures are never there to pat you on the back or justify you in any way. the scriptures are there to tell you youre wrong.
Shadows are falling and I’ve been here all day
It’s too hot to sleep, time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I’ve still got the scars that the sun didn’t heal
There’s not even room enough to be anywhere
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
Well, my sense of humanity has gone down the drain
Behind every beautiful thing there’s been some kind of pain
She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind
She put down in writing what was in her mind
I just don’t see why I should even care
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there
Well, I’ve been to London and I’ve been to gay Paree
I’ve followed the river and I got to the sea
I’ve been down on the bottom of a world full of lies
I ain’t looking for nothing in anyone’s eyes
Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there