Re: About people saying women cause their own rapes
Sadly, there are, indeed, individuals out there that are full of hatred, and they are known in the psychiatric/psychological communities as "anti-social," or, "sociopaths," simply put. It is estimated that 20% of all human beings on this planet are sociopaths or psychopaths.
If a person meets the criteria of a sociopath, they do not have a conscience - this means precisely what it sounds like. They do not have a sense of remorse. They do not have compassion. They do not have pity. They do not have empathy. They mimic whatever human responses that they observe to "fit in," and they are (to the knowelgable eye) 100% disingenuous, glib, and over-the-top in their mirroring. Just because a person doesn't have a kill-count does not mean that they don't meet any of the criteria. The psychological and psychiatric communities are confounded by this facet of Human Nature, and have attempted to define it on a number of occasions. Recently, the DSM-V was released after being revised, again, and under extremely hostile conditions. Many of the "experts" either refused to agree, or were unable to agree on specifics. Some of these professionals on the revision board were fired, while others stood up and walked out, never to return.
For these people, harming others is a primary objective, whether that harm is the result of climbing a corporate ladder, or taking sexual liberties with someone, or setting up a vulnerable widow for a long-con. They do the things that they do because they can. They find excitement and gratification in the hunt, chase, and demise of their victims, literally, or figuratively. They do not "feel" the way that their victims do - they can't. For whatever reason (genetically, environmentally, or both), they are unable to feel emotions. And, what "mainstream" human beings do, today, is to attempt to assign a more warm-and-fuzzy perception and definition of this facet of Human Nature. These types of people have always existed, and they always shall until the end of humanity. At one point in the human story, I imagine that these types of people had some "purpose."
How psychopaths, sociopaths, and anti-social individuals choose their victims is quite simple: they observe and watch for vulnerabilities that they can exploit. A rapist, for example, literally seeks a victim with specific vulnerabilities and traits - this has been extensively documented and discussed. Still, knowing this, a person simply cannot "know" what any human predator will be looking for, and it is very exhausting to live in constant fear. The sociopaths that have not been arrested, charged, or imprisoned for their choices, actions, and behaviors are countless. They move in the "mainstream" and they have families, careers, pets, etc. If you have ever interacted with a sociopath, you would have either felt extremely flattered, or extremely uncomfortable. They each (without variation) will observe a potential prey with what is known in the profession as "the predatory stare." This is not "normal" eye-contact. The predatory stare is intense and unwavering so the individual can observe and mentally catalog every physical, verbal, and subtle nuance of the potential victim. It is similar to the posture of a hunting cheetah - eyes locked onto a possible prey, and never wavering until the hunt is either successful, or it isn't.
One interesting discussion that I had with regard to sociopaths was the fact that they have pets. "But, s/he loves their pet so much!" this person was saying. I was simply unable to prove that the woman that was being discussed was mirroring what she believed to be "normal" behaviors. She seemed as if she "loved" her pets, but she only "loved" them whenever it was convenient for her - i.e., in front of guests and fawning all over her canine as if it were a child. Well, it was over-the-top acting, plain and simple and all of her acting was so extreme that she was obviously disingenuous. Strict aside, the individual that we were discussing spent 3 years in a women's prison for her choices and behaviors, and another 6 on parole, and she never stopped doing what landed her in prison, the first time - she just altered her methods and tactics, and was (at last contact) very successful with her exploits.
"Acceptance" is a point where there can be no further negotiations, bargaining, or manipulation of the facts to generate a more pleaseant outcome. These people exist - fact. There is no pill, supplement, protocol, hypnosis, Divine Intervention, or personal epiphany that is going to "cure" them from this disorder - fact. Even the "experts" cannot agree on how to manage these types of individuals - fact. The "professional" estimate is that 20 out of every 100 people that you pass on the street do not have a conscience, remorse, or empathy - fact.
When we accept that these people really do exist, for whatever reason, and that we cannot ever "know" who they really are and/or treat and/or "cure" them, then we can get on with the matter of attending to ourselves and learning how to protect our precious vulnerabilities. We can stop attempting to fit the square pegs into the round holes, and move on.
Having been a victim (on every level, imaginable) of crime and misdemeanors, an advocate, and peer-counselor, I can say that victim-blame is typical, and whether or not it is rooted in ignorance, fear, shame, or simple hatred doesn't matter to a victim, one iota. Being invalidated and dismissed is simply another metaphorical violation. This is why there are Victims' Advocates - someone who is not personally involved in the trauma has the ability to approach the needs of their clients with objectivity, sensibilities, and assisting in recovery and healing.