Re: Angry...

I've finally calmed down; a lot actually. I was listening to a sermon last night on Youtube, entitled "Angry with God." After listening to the preacher explain why people are angry with God, I completely changed my attitude towards blaming, cursing and being angry with God.

I apologized to God last night after watching that video. It's not His fault. Maybe it's my fault after all? Maybe my previous lifestyle? Unhealthy eating habits? I remember being given dose after dose of Antibiotics because I traveled a lot overseas while in the military.

It's not His fault that I'm suffering from chronic Body Odor issues. Even if I were born this way, it's still not God's fault. Life isn't perfect. In fact, life is extremely imperfect and unfair. None of us were ever promised a rose garden or a utopian life.

It's frightening to have to subsist like this; everyday, week, month, year after year. Like the rest of society, we have plans, hopes, and dreams. I've already spent money in the thousands of dollars on various medical tests, to no avail. I have money for school but even if I were to apply to an online college, I still have to work around people in my field post graduation. There's no getting around this.

The only things I can do are to eat and live as healthy as I can and pray. Getting tested for TMAU is half the battle, but there's no cure for TMAU. I've tried a low choline diet and to be honest it doesn't work for me. I don't know what I have and the doctors that I've visited, every last one of them flat out "denied" that I stink; every last healthcare provider. One nurse said I smelled very pleasant; go figure.

I visit with a psychiatrist from time to time, 45 mins to an hour and he says to me "you don't smell. You've been in my office for an hour and you don't smell. As a matter of fact, every time you come to my office you never smell." The last doctor referred me to a psychiatrist because he too suggested that "it's all in my head."

He even ordered an MRI of my brain to ensure that I didn't have some type of pathology or abnormality of my brain. Why is it that no one believes us, yet people are constantly hinting around that I smell less than clean? Mind you, no one has ever told me to my face that I stink. No one. So that's another issue in itself. If no one has flat out told me that I stink, then the doctor's ask "is it a possibility that you're wrong? A possibility that you're being paranoid?" Hence the reason why the last doctor referred me to mental health.