As I sit here typing, I'm extremely angry. Angry with myself, my life and extremely angry with God. I'm not angry with other people; quite the contrary. I'm just angry with how my life has turned out thus far.
One would think that God would have reached down by now and cut us some slack? I mean for crying out loud here God, enough is enough already! Do you want me to fail at life or what? I mean really?!? I can't move forward in life with this condition, perpetually hanging over my head like some sort of black cloud.
If I had the balls, I'd take my life in 2.5 seconds without so much as a thought or remorse. I look around me and see my friends all working towards a future for themselves; they're working on their Masters and are currently working very good jobs with exceptional benefits. I look around me and see people laughing, enjoying their lives, being able to go and do almost anything they desire. Dating, marriage, vacationing, traveling, making plans, having children, spending time with family and friends.
You know, I have this feeling that maybe God forgot what it's like being human? God came to earth in human form, did He not? So how is it that He so soon forgets? Oh I get it, ours is not to question why, but to do? As in don't question God, that's just the way life is.
TMAU, malodor syndrome, intestinal imbalance, liver damage, kidney damage, I have no idea what's going on. The only thing I know is that my life is cursed and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I've wasted words praying to a God who apparently doesn't care either one way or the other. I don't blame people for talking about me behind my back. It's true, I stink and I stink everyday. There's no denying that fact. They're absolutely right and they've got a right to be offended by my presence. They don't stink, but I do, so I can't blame them.