Thank you, Lapis - a concise, rational response to my doubt-ridden anxiety (fear).
Since my early childhood I have suspected that I have a certain "disease," and occasionally seek confirmation...closure of sorts, you could say (although things are only just beginning).
As mentioned above, I should receive my pH strips tomorrow and shall be able to determine the precise degree of absurdity concerning my physical state. I know that I am not well - and never have been - so all that remains is to gauge exactly how "sick" my body is...