Re: New To Forums, I'm a non-BPD partner in a spiraling relationship, Looking for answers

Hi 1212,

What you describe is par for the course with BPD. My mother is BPD and I can tell you BPDs DO get jealous of their own children or ANYONE who they feel is taking attention away from them. These are people who demand to be the center of attention at all times. What you said about your daughter is typical. If you were to marry this woman and have your daughter live with you there is no doubt she would start abusing her. BPDs do not share or consider anyone else's needs but their own. They often get jealous and will abuse anyone they feel is "robbing" them of the attention they deserve.
Contrary to your sentiment, they do KNOW that they are hurting others, it's just that they don't care. They know what behavior is bad and try to conceal it. They behave poorly only once they know they can get away with it. Hence, your gf treated you well while she was trying to hook you (they excell at first impressions, image and false facade are important to them). But once she had you, her true personality shone through. BPDs are insanely selfish, self-centered, and immature. They will hurt others and they will not care. They aren't capable of remorse. The best they can do is self-pity (which is all about THEM). The self pity goal is to get YOU to resassure her and to let her bad behaviors go unaddressed.

The best way to leave this type of personality? Don't tell them you're leaving. Don't give them warning. They will use it against you. They will attack you or worse. Basically, you have to plan ahead like a battered woman. You can't just break up with them like a normal relationship. I often felt I had to join the witness protection program just to leave my mother (and im in my 20s). My advice, stash away some cash. Find a place to stay. Move when she's not at home. The worst part is getting the balls to leave because these types condition you into an inactive state. They also isolate you. It's like Stolkhome Syndrom. You've been brainwashed into thinking you don't have legs and can't leave. Wake up. You can. Realize she can help it. She simply chooses to behave this way. This is not a mental disorder, its a personality disorder. They CHOOSE to mistreat you, to control you, to reject responsability. Because they are selfish. They aren't stupid, just selfish to a degree that's dangerous. These are the types that can kill if they don't get their way. So leaving is dangerous. Don't tell her. Just do it on the sly. I know. My mother is BPD and they aren't unique. They all do the same patterns of b.s. It's just that some of us are in denial about how brutally selfish these people are adn what they're willing to do if they don't get their way. Tweet