New To Forums, I'm a non-BPD partner in a spiraling relationship, Looking for answers

Hello,

I just found out that my partner has BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and a lot of her strange behavior is finally making sense. I was totally blown away by how many of your own testimonies are similar to my own, and its a weight off my shoulders to find a place like this.

This all started about a year ago. I met my current partner when I went out for a night on the town. I'm beginning to think that I should have just stayed home, but it's too late for that now. I was in a band, one of the many things that I'm forbidden to do or talk about now, and my bandmate and I went out for a drink. He told me that he had a girl he wanted me to meet, and I thought, Okay....one drink won't hurt. We got there and she was very nice, seemed to be having a good time, and we hit it off really well. Actually, it was a little weird how well we hit it off. I stayed there talking to her til the bar closed, we didn't get drunk, it was just so nice to talk to someone who seemed so sincere and interested in what I had to say.

Fast forward about 2 months, and she's living with me. She decided shortly before we met that she was just going to up and move an hour away, quit a high salaried job, and go back to school. I thought, WOW, that takes a lot of courage and determination, she has goals and dreams, and she's willing to work towards them. She wound up staying at my place for two months during her transition to the new town, and then moved to the town an hour away. Immediately she started pressuring me to move in with her in the new town. I thought it was a little invasive how she would never stop pressuring me and guilt tripping me to move away from my location and into her new apartment. I told her that I wasn't ready to move, I have an elderly father that I take care of and a band that I love, and that we can make the long distance thing happen. She relented, for about a week, and then started turning the screws even tighter. She would say that I didn't love her, that I could move my Dad up there, that I could commute back in for the band, and that she would be supportive. WRONG> any time that I tried to go back to see my father, the band, or any of my friends I was subjected to endless guilt trips, tantrums, abusive and paranoid language, and erratic behavior on her part to make me jealous. Well, I did what any reasonable person would do, I moved in with her. I thought, she'll get better if I'm around more, and surely she'll understand that I have my own life with it's own unique responsibilities, after all, I'm sacrificing to help her out.

I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I ride back to the town I'm from every weekend to see her. It's gotten to the point where she's so jealous of my daughter and resents her so much, that when I go in to see her, my partner will torment me the whole day. 20 to 30 texts detailing how I don't love her, how our children will never mean as much to me, how I'm a horrible person for abandoning her. I can't even sleep anymore, I can't eat, I'm constantly racked with anxiety and stress about what she'll lay on me next. The only time I have any peace is when she's asleep, and then I cherish that time so much, I end up staying up all night and being dog tired the next day. I'm sorry to go on and rant like this, I'm really not trying to have a pity party or anything like that. I just can't stop typing when there's so many things that I don't understand about this woman, and why she's behaved this way.

The whole point of this, and I guess the need to make this known, is that I could really use a few pointers on how to leave a person with this condition safely. I've read the survival guide, and it's all useful, but when I'm in the middle of one of her attacks, it's really hard to think and focus on anything else. I need to formulate a plan of action, and if any of you have some knowledge, or just want to talk about it, I'm all ears. I miss my friends, my family, and all the things that I"m not allowed to do anymore. I know that this is a condition where their mental state doesn't allow them to know or understand how damaging they can be, but to anyone who's ever been on the other side of it, it sure as hell seems like they want to utterly dominate and submit you, and that you're the villain. I don't want revenge or to see anything bad happen to her, but I can't be a part of this anymore. Best of luck to all of you, and I look forward to talking to anyone. There's so much more to this story, and I wish that I had time to write it all down, but life goes on, and work needs to get done. If any of you want to know more details, please feel free to ask.
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