pyramid

Wow, Michael..that post gave me a lot to digest and ponder. My mom is actually coming to a therapy session with me and my therapist to talk. My mom and I have a good relationship---when things are going well in the world (ie, my health, her marriage, her job, etc). The codependency probably underlies a lot of issues. She made a lot of horrible choices in men while I was growing up (all of them abused me in some form or fashion), she gave away my dog when I was away one summer, she had a few health scares of her own (breast cancer and complications from that, weight issues). She loves me dearly and just wants me to get better, but I think her fear and denial is ruining our relationship....and my poor health and bad luck at finding competent doctors doesn't help either. My life has been full of crises and misfortunes, and I think she feels a lot of guilt/saddness for that...but it often comes out as anger and impatience.

yes, she is a teacher... good guess! She actually works with troubled kids, lol.

You are also right about me being at the bottom of the family pyramid and getting dumped on. I was always the scapgoat and the one people took their anger out on. This (and the examples of relationships I learned from my mom's marriages) led me to attract the wrong types of guys who ended up abusing me, like like my dad/step-dads (but worse).

I do feel stuck. I cannot work b/c I am not healthy enough and I will lose my disability benefits. I need to gain some health before I can work. But, it is hard to lose the identity of being the "sick one" b/c I've been that way for more years than not. It's a complicated, convoluted mess....and IDK how to get out of this whirl-wind.

I think if i can find proper medical help (a competent doc who won't see me as a goldmine and take our money but not do anything to heal me), would alleviate a lot of stress. Right now, though, I'm spinning in the mud....

What's your opinion on Applied Kinesiology practitioners? I'm trying one out now, but he seems really spacey/trippy....and I'm a pretty open-minded person when it comes to these things, but this seems a bit way-too-out-there.

Thanks, Michael Tweet