Thank you for your thoughtful reply. It was kind of you to look back over my history so you could give me useful feedback.
I think I mentioned keeping myself attractive both to preempt the suggestions that this could be the source... and maybe to help remind myself that I'm attractive?
No, there are no kids. As for divorce, the answer is an easy no. If I knew that he was content with this and this is how it will be, I will trade a robust sex life for married life with him. There is no question. And there is lots of physical contact, loving gestures and shared laughter. I spent most of my 20's single, so I know what it's like on both sides of the fence. There's no chance I would end the relationship over this.
My frustration has gone down a good bit and I'd love to "get of the fence" and not worry about this anymore. My current concern is this: although he doesn't initiate sex, I think the problem may be rather a way he looks at it, a mental block of some type as opposed to a low sex drive. After all, we have at times in the past had very frequent sex. And when we bring up the subject, the one sentiment he will express is wanting more sex. He seems to be wanting me to do something, maybe to fix it? Or wanting me to come on to him, although that's not worked historically. Still, he has logic in his head talking him out of sex while saying he wants it.
So to my ocncern: if he really does want it, and possible evidence might be that he still spank the monkeys or that we've had brief interludes of frequent sex while on vacation, then will this problem eventually lead to infidelity? Is he feeling a stifled sex drive while blocked mentally? He's in the Navy. He goes to places where he's surrounded by temptation. My circumstances are less exposed to temptation. I believe I'm strong enough, and there are no signs of weakening in my resolve to be faithful. However, with our sex life dwindling to next to nothing and us possibly being separated for a year or more soon, I worry that we're more vulnerable. Once infidelity is discovered, I believe the relationship will be over.
So... am I hyperventilating? Making up needless stress? I don't know. Should I just think "actions are stronger than words" and not believe his infrequent suggestions that he'd like more sex? I tend to believe what people say and am torn on this point.
Or perhaps I should no longer worry about it and decide if he wants to change it, or if it bothers him enough, he'll do something. He's on occasion asked why we don't have sex anymore. I don't know how to respond. I've said that he doesn't try and when I try, he turns me down. How does he ask me again months later? I could tell him when he really wants it, I know he'll come get it (it's rare but it's happened).
*sigh* So in the end, more sex would be great, but I'm over the need for it. In my mind this is the one potential threat to our marriage, and that has become my worry.