Re: Has anyone's marriage recovered from being nearly sexless???

I've looked at some of your other posts and see that you have been wrestling with this topic for quite some time.

You mention that you try to keep yourself looking attractive. While, of course, there is nothing wrong with that, it has nothing to do with your husband's low sex drive. For example, I once worked with a woman who was short, dumpy and prematurely gray. She once told me that her husband wanted sex every night---even when she was having her period. So...attractiveness doesn't always play as big a role in this as you might think.

I can't recall if you have children or not. If it is the latter, then you are freer to divorce---if that's what you want. Either way, whether you stay or go, you really need to do some soul searching. If having an active sex life is very important to you---a top priority---and you have no children, then perhaps it's best to move on.

However, being single once again is no panacea. Recently, I was reading the advice column "Dear Prudence". There was a letter from a woman who was itching for the single life again. Prudence reminded her that the single life is not always as glamorous as portrayed on TV and in the movies. As an exercise, she had the woman imagine herself living in a small apartment wondering if the last guy she slept with had given her an STD. So it's important to look at all sides of this.

As I said, my husband always had a low sex drive. Being honest with myself, I realized that I'm not highly sexed either, although my drive is better than his.

I thought it through and realized that my husband has many good qualities. When our daughter was young, he was an excellent provider and a good father (still is a good father). We like to do lots of activities together---see plays, go to museums, go out to eat, etc. As a family, we took several cross country drives. Every night, he gives me a back rub and I do the same for him. So...we've had too many good times and good years to just throw it all away.

You need to decide what is important to you. How important is frequent sex as opposed to loving gestures? Do you share common interests, do things together as a couple?

So...you need to stop fence-sitting. Make a decision as to where you want to go with this. For the sake of argument, I will assume no minor children are involved. So...do you stay and appreciate all that's good in your marriage? Or is a very active sex life important enough that you will be miserable for the rest of your life? If it is the latter, again, please note that you could be single again and not easily find another partner. If that's the case, are you comfortable with one night stands? Or are you willing to be without sex while searching for Mr. Right?

If children are involved, IMO, the whole equation changes.

So...do some soul searching and get off the fence! Best of luck to you. Tweet