Re: I need to vent.

I so know how you feel. I am in a similar but different situation. I have been sick with chronic illnesses for 15 years - i.e. lyme disease, epstein barr, parasites, systemic candida and a clotting disorder brought on by lyme. I can't even begin to tell you the physical pain I have had to endure because of these issues, but the emotional pain has been just as great.

My anxiety and Depression seems to have come and gone over the years. In my mid 20's, I had my first panic attack and became nearly housbound. I was engaged to a man my parents didn't like and deep down I think I knew he wasn't the right one for me. But I didn't know how to get out of it, so I guess my body did it for me. I was sick for almost 2 years with debilitating anxiety. I was on meds, in therapy, etc. Back then, something just clicked in me and I stopped being a doormat to everyone. I grew a spine, started standing up for myself, basically I gained my power back. Then a few years after that, my illnesses started. Oddly enough, even though I felt like I was falling apart most times, I still kept the strength to keep going on.

This last year or so, the anxiety has crept back up on me (I'm now 44). I have moved almost 11 times in the last 6 years, due to my husband's work. I am sick of it. We always move to areas where work is hard to come by, in less that desirable locales, where my needs always come second. Money has been a constant issue for us, because of my medical costs. Despite having insurance, traditional doctors have not been able to help my diseases, so I have had to pay out of pocket for alternative practitioners. Needless to say, I feel a great deal of guilt for our debts, mainly because I feel like they are my fault. All this has been building up and building up and taking it's toll on me. Not to mention living with several chronic illnesses that rarely seem to respond to most treatments.

Now we are moving yet again and I just feel so buried. I want to be healthy again, but I just don't know how to get there anymore. I feel your pain, I truly do. I am trying everything I can think of to get well again. I got attacked essentially over in another forum for suggesting this book (closed minded people who are not willing to look past their belief systems), but I was introduced to a book that helped me see a lot of why I am how I am now. It is called The Healing Code. I can't recommend this book enough. I am now trying to implement the suggestions and exercises in the book, but it's been hard for me, because of the amount of stress I have been under. I hope you find the help you need and can get better. I am proof that it is possible, and I just need to find my way back out of that hole again. Good luck. Tweet