ha! I like that you said "mate." Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really need and appreciate it. i am slowly pulling myself back together after this upsetting experience. It doesn't sound all that bad but was kind of upsetting. Devoting my life to this fast and then losing it. Then just kind of being disoriented in life and uncertain how to pick up and start moving toward the next fast and keep in a detox, healing process (instead of going "off the fast" in a crazy way)
After decades of being totally violated by food I really ... do not... have the romanticized experience of food that you do. Believe me, as an addiction it gets every bit as ugly as any other addiction. Food becomes -- as every drug becomes -- not something pleasurable at all, rather something urgently necessary, for which one commits every possible crime against one's conscience. And one's physical body ... But I hear you that you just want to acknowledge the pain of giving it up. This is VERY validating to me and I really appreciate it. I am determined to learn to fast at length and I have to go through the process of undoing my emotional attachment to food. So hard, and it is wonderful to have someone say, yes, it is hard. I feel lucky to get to talk about it here. Some responses do not recognize the reality and pain of food addiction, or of having a really sensitive system , that CANNOT take triggering foods and CANNOT binge -- lest one spend days in pain -- but I guess I just have to skip over those responses. I have to find my own path and I will. It is hard sometimes as there isn't much of a map for me. Like -- as I said above -- the very idea of trying to use broths or juices is so excruciating. i would first of all drink myself to death; and if I did not die, I would ... i don't know. Suffer hell; and be triggered by the broths and juices into salty heavy foods or sweet heavy foods -- bad large quantities of them. Then the agony of dealing with the overload of those things. While many people just do those broths and juices and are fine. . But I cannot at all. So -- how am I to break a fast? It's a question of my becoming willing to commit to a diet that is really VERY non-triggering. I am working so hard on this I cannot tell you. i know I must do it . i do not have the willingness yet. The thing is -- I KNOW there is a basis for what i feel and experience with juices etc. . I really want to find it and tell about it. Have you ever read any sort of critique of juicing? ... I really have this serious intuition about it, which many others have shared with me, that it's kind of .. I don't know. WEll -- my intuition -- and i hesitate to post this because I just don't want to be shot down but oh well -- my intuition says that doing juices/fruits post-fast is really a process of re-addicting the body. that one might better wait until one got true hunger for things other than sweet fruit, which I (and Paul Bragg, among others) think of as sort of Nature's candy. yes it is natural -- but -- i guess for me it is not really an indulgence I can live with. I have to commit to my bitter-tasting sprouts. Other foods are simply too addicting for me, and i really suffer with them.
You had really helpful and very needed encouraging words about examining one's food cravings. Ruthless honesty -- yes. And I also need it affirmed that at times one must examine one's cravings. i need people to affirm a kind of sobriety with food. This is for me -- no one else -- again I would never prescribe for others. I am here to figure out only what works for ME. I do feel I have something to contribute with the knowledge I can possibly bring up via what my intuition so strongly tells me.
Hope you are having a nice evening.
(are you fasting? i want to re-start a fast soon. I want to aim for 5 days maybe 10. In the meantime I want to actually post here about my actual eating! This was an inspiration I had today. it would make my whole fasting preparation process and post-fast process so much more accountable and ordered! So I am excited. I just hope people respect my choosing differently from what they choose. I really need to develop my intuition as opposed to having it not validated. This is quite important.
write me if you wish
Willing to be a fasting buddy, too. -