Hello All! Eight months later

Hello All

I know it has been a while. I jumped ship on this website a few months ago (at least 6 to be exact). I would like to say that it is because I have been busy with classes but the truth is that the personal stories from everyone as well as the failed attempts became too much to bear and I became a total recluse.

There are a lot of new people on here so let me just refresh my story

In August 2007 I had a school orientation. I noticed this awful odor, it smelled like old sweaty clothes. I was repulsed and thought that it was the area. I went to work (a fast food establishment at that time) and noticed the odor was there as well. I eventually realized it was me from the comments made by customers and how some employees would lean in for a sniff when they did not think I was looking.

When school began I noticed it became worse. Other students were making fun of me and I did not realize what it was. I thought it was from sweat and my clothes so I attempted to wash them as often. As the months went by I noticed that it became worse. Towards the next summer (2008) I noticed that it was really bad. I tried to lose weight and lost over 30 pounds but that was from reducing my intake on junk food. During summer the BO was pretty bad. By Fall I switched jobs twice due to embarrassment and abandoned my class after two sessions.

By Spring 2009 I had promised to get it back together and start attending classes again. I had received a desk job and was very hopeful. My first day I was already turning heads. I was crushed. At work I started to visit curezone.com and scour the web.

I first started with the Master Cleanse. I smelled even worse than before. I relapsed a couple of times and then successfully made it to 12 days before I stopped. I did not properly ween myself onto food so that was not prudent. I tried eating healthy and then I started delving into other stuff on this website. I eliminated junk food and all forms of processed foods and lost another 30 pounds, too quickly some would say. Heres what I tried after, I may be leaving some stuff out so just click my name and you can see all the history threads:
Eating fruits and veggies and Taking PB shakes
Juice fast with PB shakes
Giving up all flour
Candida Clease
Water Fast
Bowel Cleanse
Nearly 1,000 dollars in supplements from vitamin shoppe
Probiotics
Chlorophyll
Triphala
Amino Acids
B vitamins
Yeast Cleanse
Cinnamon Extract
Humaworm
Beano and Lactaid
Digetive Bitters
Digestive Enzymes
COQ10 (to blow up 'tapeworm')
Kava Kava (to stop getting worked up about the comments )
Grapefruit seed extract
the list goes on
Coconut Oil
Infrared Sauna
Calling Psychics (LOL dont ask!)
Coffee Enemas
At least six professional Colonics, some back to back
Probiotic enemas
Liver Flushes
Candida Cleanse
parasite Cleanse (Cloves, Wormwood , erc)
I did some external changes as well as internal:
Stopped using Deodorants, Soaps with chemicals
Using Dr. Bronners for body wash
Using deodorant stones instead of anti perspirants
Using natural oils i.e. sage, orange extract, peppermint over the deodorant stone
Using deodorants from health food stores with natural ingredients
I abandoned mainstream shampoos and toothpaste and Use Mill Creek shampoo and Toms of Maine toothpaste. Sometimes Baking soda and peroxide
I sprinkle baking soda in shoes instead of scented oils
Summers eve is a thing of the past, I just use a deodorant stone
I use natural oils such as apricot kernel, grapeseed, or just pure shea butter for my skin.
Sometimes I add natural oils to the shea butter and put it in my hair
Using natural eco friendly detergent for clothes and bedding
Attempt to use as many eco friendly cleaners

I noticed after all of the changes my Body Odor got worse, during the cleanses I mean. I was always exhausted and after an Emergency Room visit when I was convinced my bowels released blood I learned that I was slightly anemic. My doctors never told me that until two weeks ago.

After my job completed in September 2009 I attended class and finished that semester being very isolated and hiding behind my laptop during class. My diet went downhill but it wasnt that bad. By thanksgiving I was the lightest I had weighed in a very long time and was eating only when my body felt the need to do so. After Thanksgiving all hell broke loose and I was a mess eating so much junk food, the food I avoided before was becoming a staple in my diet. By February I stopped going to class out of being practically humiliated by one of Professors who would like sniff me loudly whenever I made a comment or walked past him.

Because of this and other comments not to mention looks and remarks I would get on the subway or on the streets I started to withdraw. I collected unemployment and stayed home. I even missed my finals. I got an F in one class and an Incomplete in another. I still dont care. I would just stay home and eat bad foods. To get funds I would see if I qualify for research studies and the like.
As of now I am out of school and am almost tipping the scales at 200 pounds. I barely leave my home. I realize that this is a problem and from all the stuff I have tried I am kind of back to where I was except that I dont use chemical ingredients on my body.

After a blood test for all allergies, Last week my doctor told me that I had an allergy to cockroaches and gave me a prescription for loratidine and a saline nasal solution in case I get a breakout. I have not used it since I felt perfectly fine after a few ibuprofens (yes, I went back to taking it. There are actually some days in which I take too much ibuprofen pm just so I can pass the day, or melatonin) Another doctor actually gave me a perscription for metamucil. With my junk food diet bowel movements were not that complete. I know I was against taking it at first and tried psyllium husks I eventually started to take it and it makes my movements more complete.

As for the junk food its really hard because its like I do these hardcore binges. I started to attend OA meetings (overeaters anonymous) yesterday but felt awkward since I had this weird faint fishy odor coming from me. ( I dont think its TMAU, I am menstruating but am very neat about it and use a cup, sorry TMI) I do intend to go today. Also I started seeking mental help to break down this isolation problem and Depression that I have created as a bubble around myself.

I am trying to find people to hang out with since I have pushed all friends away to the point where I am the person people say “Is she even alive anymore?” But those are the people that I dont want to hang out with anyway I guess. Its hard because I feel awkward and have this thought in my head that I am secreting some horrific odor. I am looking into activity groups and since I live in a big city if I embarrass myself then I can just jump ship and never look back.

I am convinced that it may be something that I am eating. I think it is also sweat induced from my high body weight. At this point in time I think that my body can not even handle the idea of another cleanse! I wore my body out a few months ago to the point where I could not even produce my own bowel movements or think clearly. I only use metamucil because I cant stand the taste of regular psyllium and I want to show my doctor that the pain in my side will not be alleviated from metamucil ( I guess she is right because it did go away) I only use metamucil once or twice a day.

As for now Im gonna go to these OA meetings and maybe a Depression support group. I am also going to eat healthy again (fruits, veggies, whole grains, hormone free meat, home cooked desserts if I am really craving it) and exercise and lose weight. I am also consuming some sage leaf extract. Will keep you posted on all results. As for now I am just exhausted with this failed trial and error. It has just made me broke and alone. Tweet