Re: narcissistic husband

I'm sorry to hear that your children feel that way. Sometimes it takes having a "lightbulb moment" in order for them to see the whole picture.

I'll give you an example. When I was growing up, my father made himself out to be the good guy. He would tell us that our mother was a masochist and that he didn't understand why she was so mean to us. When she was yelling at us kids and being verbally abusive, we would speak up and try to defend ourselves. My father would take us aside and say "Don't argue with her. When you do that, she yells at me later. Let's have some peace in this house." We'd say, "But, Dad, she's saying all these things about me that aren't true." He'd say, "I know that---just ignore her." Easier said than done when you're a kid!

It wasn't until after I got married and was recounting all this to my husband that I had my "lightbulb moment". He said to me (in so many words) "Your father was a coward. Instead of speaking up in your defense, he was only concerned that he got some peace and quiet." Aha! Wow! That was so right! When I became a parent, it became even more clear to me what my husband said. As a parent, it was my job to protect my child and put my child first. That was something that my father never did. He felt that he gave us food, clothing and shelter and that was basically what he needed to do. However, there is so much more to it than that.

Perhaps once your kids mature more or become parents themselves, they will understand it all better. However, please be prepared---when they have their "lightbulb moment", they may ask you why you stayed with him for so long.

I'm glad to hear that you are going to make that phone call. There is no reason for you to keep living like that. You deserve a peaceful, happier life. Good luck with everything! Tweet