Re: Updates

It's great to hear that you're talking to a professional. I feel that it's going to be essential in your healing process. You need at least one person to talk to, an objective person. It also sounds like you may be suffering from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Now, this is also very common in military vets, especially ones who have been deployed. This most previous event may have dredged up a bunch of other feelings kept inside from the past.

I'm so sorry to here that you feel that people are treating you differently. Unfortunately, society has made male sexual assualt such a taboo topic, that hardly anyone knows how to react to it. Even more unfortunately, male sexual assault is not as rare as it is thought to be. You are definitely NOT alone.

It concerns me that you've decided to hold all of your feelings inside and pretend you're okay for the sake of others, but I do understand your reasoning. But if you feel like you need to cry, I hope to God that you do... There is no shame in crying to release emotional tension whether you're a woman or a man. Crying is a natural, human reaction to emotional trauma. You may be remembering what happened your entire life, but over time you the intensity will fade. You'll be able to take control of that pain and things will get better.

Do you have a friend you can confide in, who you think wouldn't treat you differently as a result?
I know that it feels like you'll never be able to find a significant other who'll "deal" with this, but it's not true. If you fell in love with someone and they told you this happened to them, would you dump them by the wayside? I don't think you would. I think you would do your best to be there for them and give them the love and support they need. There are people out there who will love and accept you, please remember that.

As far as being able to be with another woman, you have so much to deal with right now, try not to stress yourself out about that. If and when the right woman comes along, that'll all fall into place. I'm sorry if this seems like I'm telling you what to do, because the way you cope is definitely up to you. I just so badly want you to know that you are not alone and people will understand. Much love.