Re: ...it is not your fault~~

i know it must have been hard to share that Zoebess...
and to tell you the truth it scares me. I don’t want to be
50 years old still thinking about this... but thank you..

Yesterday I did all the blood work and the urinalysis.. I had to give my statement to NCIS as well.. I am getting better at controlling my emotions… I just wont let myself cry anymore. There are times I come close (a lot yesterday when they were asking me for detailed descriptions) but I held it together…. I just hated the fact that they were asking me all these questions and they were so detailed, I could not remember most of them. Little things to like the color of cretin things the complete order of events, everything I ate that night the cloths of everyone around me… I was mad at myself for not having a better memory… it seemed the only thing I remembered in grate detail was the morning I woke up… the one part I don’t want to remember.. I could tell that the agent was getting frustrated with me… I knew that there was not a lot of evidence in this case, and it would be hard to prove that anything even happened, but I could not stand by and just let it happen…. Now it just seems like people have a hard time believing this could happen to a guy… they tell me they understand and that they are there for me… but underneath there eyes I can see the true thoughts that they are thinking……. Is this guy serious!!!!!!
But one good thing is my grief councilor.. she is outstanding… she only ask me to talk about what I am comfortable with… she actually does give a dam.. and she is not to hands on, she gives me my space when I need it, but is there to comfort me when its getting to hard… vary professional

The only thing I wish (besides this never happening) is to remember what the hell happened so I could have more information to give the agents….. I know it sounds bad but I want her to pay for this…
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