Re: Worrying developments, kids included

OK, another maybe 10 minutes...

Looking at what I wrote last, I can easily see you asking, why would I have gotten together with him to begin with.

We were old friends (just friends) from college times, and I trusted him. He seemed like the stereotypical Nice Guy, always in the shadow of his rather womanizing best friend.

When we got together, I had just left a relationship, was almost poor economically, pretty ill and emotionally a mess. We met accidentally a few times after my breakup, and he was a good listener. I had been on my own for less than nine months when our relationship turned romantic, and he spilled the beans on his very unhappy childhood: alcoholism, fights, the works.

I was convinced I had found someone to grow with. I was in all kinds of therapies then, both physical and phycho-social, and even though my diagnosis was about 90 degrees off the mark, learning breathing techniques, relaxation etc. and talking my feelings out did help me immensely.

We read all kinds of couple and self-help books together, such as The Road Less Travelled and (forgot the name - will fill in later).

Yet, when we married, he basically took a woman who could not live without him: neither economically nor health-wise nor psycho-socially. Even though I was working on all of that like mad, then I was dependent on him. And he was my best help, my support, my real partner and companion. He did all the right things for me and for us.

Today things are very different. Sure, I have continuos pain and repetitive, daily stabs of stronger pain, but I have found a way to live with that. The pain no more stops me from doing things. I mountainbike, hike, swim and chop wood - hell, I even went back to finish my college degree.

And all through these changes which make me so happy, he has grown darker, sullier, less social and angrier.

Gotta go

Please keep talking to me, I need to get this stuff off my chest and feel heard.

Thanks!

AE
Tweet