Re: Worrying developments, kids included

I have about 10-15 min again.

Thank you so much, 28223, whoever you are. Having a place where I can speak my mind and be myself (if under a pseudonym) helps immensely.

I first pleaded with him to come to counseling seven years ago, when we had a major disagreement about our youngest sleeping. He was for a discipline-force approach, I insisted on that sleep is such a major part of a person's sanity, that it should be supported more softly. I "won", and the problem was solved, but he berated me for solving the problem the wrong way and claimed that I had not communicated well enough with him, i.e. that the problem with Youngest sleeping was essentially my fault to begin with. I was shocked and outraged.

When I asked him to come to counseling because of this (we had had smaller scirmishes also before), he a) refused, saying that "he is not crazy" and b) abruptly stopped talking about the issue at all. I went back to work soon afterwards, Youngest went to day care and things seemed to return back to normal.

Five years ago, I finally got a correct diagnosis and my treatment was changed. I was relieved, but he hit the roof. My condition, according to this new diagnosis, is life-long and requires adjustments in my and my household's everyday life. He essentially said "This is too much! I won't have you dominate our life like this!" Again, I asked him to come to counseling, with exactly the same reaction a) refusing and b) stopping all talk about the isue - well, at least he stopped complaining about my illness ruining his life. :-/

Then, some 3-4 years ago, a very ugly situation of bullying developed at my work. In the end, my then boss was fired, but I, who had blown the whistle on him, was also asked to leave, despite of my employer knowing about my disability. I was devastated - I had, somewhat naively, expected the organization to show, if not exactly appreciation then at least fairness. My husband's reaction was "What else did you expect?" and no emotional support. I did not have the strength to fight my employer without his support, so I let it slide (yeah, dumb, but I was extremely tired at the time).

I went into a personal crisis, which lasted for almost a year. During that time I drank myself, 3-5 days per week, 2-5 glasses or shots per day. Some mornings I worried if I was sober enough to drive the kids to day care / school. I felt very, very low and my self esteem was close to zero.

About 2.5 years ago I managed to get a project, it went well, and now I have an OK "freelance" kind of business, in my own expertise area. About the same time my medication was changed, and the most wonderful thing happened: my chronic anxiety lifted. I had basically been sort of afraid 24/7 ever since my pains began, in my childhood, and now the fear was gone.

In hindsight I can see that this is exactly the time when my husband started to drink.

Gotta go, he'll expect the dishes to be washed when he comes back. To be continued.

THANKS for listening!

AE
Tweet