Re: Still a virgin, never had a boyfriend

Hi.

I am replying to your post because I can relate to what you are feeling very much. I am 24 and made love for the first time when I was 22 and in a committed relationship with a guy. Until him, I had only had one boyfriend when I was 18, and while he said he loved me, he ended the relationship after three months because we lived two hours apart. I was devastated, probably more because he was my first boyfriend than because I loved him (I did not), and because like you I had been agonizing about not having had one while most of my friends had been having boyfriends since 12 or 13. Like you, I am the type of person who is always analyzing her life and comparing myself with others, though I try not to.

During that first relationship, I did not really think of sex too much, at that age I did not care about it. However, as time went by and I remained single (while going to college), I started to think about the sex aspect as well. I remember waking up the morning when I turned 22 and having just had a scary dream regarding my lack of relationships and sexual experience, and suddenly panicking that I am already 22 and still a virgin. This was right before I left for South America, for a semester of a study abroad program. There, or rather on the flight to S. America, I met some of the other students who were going to be in the same program. I really clicked with one of the guys, and we ended up spending most of our free time together, traveling. The first couple of weeks we were just friends, but after that I realized I was falling in love with him, realizing he was the most amazing man I had ever met, and started to try to give off subtle "hints". Given my lack of experience, I was not too good at it and many times I got very frightened that he would not like me back because he was not responding to my "hints"...However, it turned out that he was just shy. We started a relationship after about a month. Even though after a while he started to suggest he wanted to get more physical than we had, I told him I was not ready and he accepted it with no problems. After about five more months, right before I had to return to the states (he was there for a year), I decided I did not want to wait another 6 months until I would see him again to make love with him, and so the night before I left we both lost our virginity to each other. After he returned to the states, we continued our relationship and we are still together, 2 years later.

I am very happy about how this all turned out and looking back to those moments of despair when I badly wanted a boyfriend, I realize it was all for the best. Of all my friends, I do not know any with such a devoted, loving, generous and intelligent boyfriend as my beloved.

So I would say, please don't despair -- keep focusing on advancing your studies/career, maybe join a group with the same interests as yours to meet more people, but definitely do not settle for having sex with someone you do not love just for the sake of it. Tweet