Re: Educated, Insightful, but I'm Still Here. Help me Leave.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain.
It took me 2 years to GET OUT of a 12 year TOXIC relationship. It was 2 years of obsessing to figure out everything I could about the "N". Until I was 100% NC did I realize how my "self" was warped. For the last 8 months, I have focused on ME..learning who I am, what I like and just basic ideas most people all ready know about themselves. It is so easy to lose yourself after living with an N. In the last 8 months, I have worked my A** off to get well again.
In the begining my energy was "figuring" the N out. Now, I realize life is about me...and believe it or not, so grateful he met his "true love" within a week of losing me. The OW has saved my life...haha! I never thought I would "get" that! I was forced to move on, and look at who I had become!
N's do not change! We have all spent many hours trying to figure them out! My favorite reminder to myself "do I really want to bang my head". It is what it is..like a dog barks, an N does not GET IT!
Finding some strength to move on...I promise it does get better - I still choose 100% NC and hope to be healthy enough someday that his presence does not make my gut hurt..but, until then, I choose for me to avoid him!
I still sleep 12 hours a night, my body, "being" and life was SUCKED DRY, I was/am exhausted...be good to you and don't be hard on yourself! TRUST IT WILL GET BETTER Tweet