Re: Educated, Insightful, but I'm Still Here. Help me Leave.
My mother, the narcissist, was a Jekyll and Hyde type of personality. She was very manipulative, too. People outside the family saw a nice, friendly, helpful person. The family, for the most part, saw an emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive alcoholic. When I would tell people that had met her what she was really like, they never believed me.
The difference with you is---you're an adult and are free to leave anytime you like. A child is stuck in that environmnent having to put up with that soul-searing behavior. You say you have an excellent therapist---I beg to differ. It appears that you haven't made any progress working with that person. You either need to 1) find another therapist that's a better fit or 2) take a hard look at how your sessions are going with your current therapist. Are you doing all the work required of you or are you going at it half-heartedly? If it is the latter, I think that a good therapist would have pointed that out to you by now.
You say you have no job and no money. I think that is main reason you stay with him. It's time to find a job---any job---and start saving your money. In the meantime, do you have any friends or family you can temporarily stay with until you get your act together? If so, then get in touch with them and get going!
You mention a daughter. Is your husband her father? If so, then consider this---you raised her together with this man and she witnessed all that happened. This can't be good for her mental health. I assume she is grown now and out on her own? Or is she still underage? Either way, should you leave him, you will show her that no one should have to live that way. She will see that her mother has the courage to leave a bad situation instead of staying and putting up with it. What a good example that would set for her if you find the strength to leave!
I know kids would rather not see their parents divorce. Also, I believe that married couples should do all they can to work on saving their marriages. However, narcissists don't change their stripes. They don't see that they have a problem. In their eyes, everyone else has a problem---not them.
So---get going and good luck!