Please help me figure out what to do

Hello,

Long story short, I am dealing with a lifetime of pain and sorrow. I've been sexually assaulted, terminated, pending divorce, no family support, no "real" friends, health problems, etc. Please don't tell me to just think happy thoughts. I've been trying to cope everyday with no help. I don't trust counselors, doctors or any of the so-called "helping" professions anymore. My adrenal glands are shot to hell so I am constantly in "fight or flight" response.

I finally relented that I can't handle it anymore and decided to just take anti-depressants. I know they are bad for me and I know they don't address the problem. Right now, though, I need to get through the day (and that's becoming harder and harder). I am BEYOND the point of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion and tying a rope to hold on just isn't helping right now. I don't care what the long-term effects are. I won't be alive in the short-term if I don't do something immediately.

I have been calling around to EVERYONE listed on my insurance to find someone to consult for anti-depressants. No one has called back. If anyone knows (through actual experience) of any natural stuff that helps with panic/anxiety/ Depression please tell me. I am truly at the end of my rope and I don't have any more within me to keep going like this.