hello
Many times just underneath the feeling of sadness or Depression is unexpressed anger.
Maybe if when you are alone,and you take the chance to grab a pillow and beat it,kick it punch it and bite it,and yell at it,and express your pain to it,you might find that you start to feel a little
better,if only temporarily.
Emotions need to be in motion,when they are stuck like in sadness or Depression it's
like you are hurting you,instead of you hurting him.,which on some level you probably do ,and which is understandable.
Beating a pillow or an inanimate object is a simple way to get the emotions flowing without getting in an actual fight,and it can make space inside of you for movement.
best of luck