I think you all know I love to tell my stories...here is one about catching my husband cheating on me:

My husband was abusive. I figure he was cheating on me perhaps the entire 10 years we were together. It was a classic case of denial. But I figured it out one morning.....

He wanted a divorce (THANK GOD)...but I was devastated and continued to live in OUR HOUSE until I could find a place to move. I stayed there for 4 months hoping he would change his mind, which he didn't (THANK GOD). We still shared a bed, when he finally did come home during those 4 months, sometimes at 4 a.m., sometimes not for a few days. It was painful, but I was still in denial. Finally I could not stand it and I found an apartment.

When I moved out over the weekend, I moved alone. He didn't help me, and because I was classically abused, I no longer had friends that would help me either. He had managed to separate me from all my friends and family. He left the house on Saturday while I was moving, and when he came home at about 6 p.m. and found that I wasn't done, he took my house key and threw all my clothes on the lawn.

I was devastated. I went to my new apt crying....I didn't even know how to turn up the water heater, so I took a very cold shower. All I wanted was a shower. Well in that cold shower, I started to get mad...really mad. I lay on the floor of my new apt all night getting madder and madder....

At 7 a.m. the next morning, I went over to the house to finish. In the driveway I saw a familiar car, a female co-worker of his who I had cooked dinner for about six months back. Bingo....light bulb on......duh.

First I knocked on the front door. Then I banged on the front door. Then I used both fists....I heard people walking around in the living room. So I proceeded to bang on every window in the house. You have to understand, this man hit me for years, but at that moment, if he had appeared, he would no longer have a head......I think he sensed this.

I went around the house. In the backyard I heard the sliding glass door being locked before I could get to it. There was our Snapper Lawnmower. Gas Operated. Not a small thing......(Adrenaline is an amazing thing) I picked that thing up by the handles and, like a shotputter, threw it through the sliding glass door. Then I ran like hell. Of course I ran right past my car and straight down the street. Had to double back for my car, and when I didn't see him, I stood in the front yard, hands on hips....Oh yes, I wanted that man to come out of the house.

I went home waiting for him to show. He didn't...coward. The first day and night of my recovery. I gathered more strength in that 24 hour period.....more than months of therapy.

The beauty of the story, the object of his affection left him shortly after that incident. She said that she was scared of his ex-wife LOLOLOL!!!

The reason I'm telling you this story is because I don't want you to be in denial like I was. It sounds like you are working it out, which is a very very good thing. But honey, if you have to throw a lawnmower through a door, I am giving you my permission.

Love, Molly

Tell him he did you a favor! Than leave. You cannot change the way he acts or make him love you. Be glad you know now and can get on with your life and be happy. This is your best revenge and you will ulimately be happy

What are remedies for cheating? I totally agree with Mountain (which I seem to be doing quite a bit lately). Let's think about some consequences...

Physical:

Harm to the nether regions (not advised)

Harm to his upper regions (such as whacked in the head...also not advised)

Harm to his valuable possessions....hm. In the case of a car, it might keep you from getting to the store...not advised. However taking sizzors to some valued clothing, like a favorite leather coat.

Or going through old photographs and putting mustaches on all the pics of his old girlfriends....as well drawing funny hair on all his (with the old girlfriends)...or cutting all the faces out and then throwing them at him like confetti when he comes home.

Make him watch the Man Show, and everytime there is a negative comment about females, zap him with a painful electronic device.

Mental:

I can't say this with total assurance, but I'm betting having him discuss the whole thing endlessly would probably be very painful. During these gab fests, he needs to apologize every 5 minutes until he gets it.

Better yet, session after session of counseling. During this counseling, he needs to apologize every 5 minutes until the counselor decides he's telling the truth.

Having him report his whereabouts 10 times a day for about the next 20 years or so.

No boy's night's out for a long, long time.

Every movie you want to see (especially chick flicks) for a period of no less than 3 years. During these movies he has to hold your hand through most of it. Repeat shows that star Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are suggested.

Making him watch the entire series of Sex in the City 4 times. He must discuss the premise of each and every show immediately following, until he understands how men hurt women.

Make him volunteer on a domestic violence line for a long time. That will show him how men (mostly) hurt women.

Really Bad And Extreme Punishments:

Get him drunk, dress him in women's clothing and send it to his office mates.

Get him drunk, and dress him in women's clothing and post it on the internet along with a personal ad and his office phone number.

Call his Mother and tell on him.

Make him stand on a busy street corner with a sign that says, "I repent. I am a Cheating Husband and I will never ever do this again"

Take an ad out in the paper apologizing to your woman (as well as all women), and saying that you are a pathetic piece of S*&T not fit to lick her boots.

Sew a large red "CS" into all his clothes, and if anyone asks, he has to say that he is a "Cheating Scumbag.

I would say to throw the lawnmower through the window, but since you will still be living there....not a good idea.

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure other's might have better ideas.

Molly

"But of course I am worried, will there be a next time 10 yrs from now?"
Probably.

"Can he refuse someone if they put themselves in front of him & offer it?"
Depends. He might be able to, if he can figure out how to handle his hormonal urges in a more productive manner, and if he has a regular outlet for them that is less dangerous, if the adrenaline rush of "maybe getting caught" isn't fueling the behavior, and/or if he is willing to go deeply enough into relationship with you to experience an internal transformation.

Sounds like the creepiest part of all this is the woman down the street aspect of it.
Is she young and searching for the big O in the sky, looking for the magic man with the magic wand, the one who is just the right fit for her? Or what? If your husband had been "the one", would she have had an "all's fair in love and war" attitude, and tried to take him away from you, instead of wanting to cuddle up and be your friend?
She tried your husband on for size and he didn't fit her right, so you get to keep him, and she wants to be your friend. Yuck. Is she married? If so, are they swingers? How did you find out? Did one or both of them need to be accepted and forgiven?

A woman who worked for me had sex with my boyfriend while I was out of town one time, and he caught herpes from her. She had the audacity to bake me some cookies and confess. I accepted the cookies and fired her.

Please see "The Reality" posted below.
Did you see the movie Frida?

"I would stop having sex with him for awhile and keep throwing it back in his face. He will get so tired of it he may think twice about cheating again. Anytime he would ask me, if I were you, I would tell him, "Why don't you go see so and so. Aren't you still sleeping with her?" I know men get irked to the bone when you keep throwing stuff at them like that."

One of the reasons men "cheat" is because their sex drive is stronger and more compelling than women's. Withholding sex in order to punish him will only increase the chances that he will stray again. And if you enjoy making love with him, it will only punish you too. This plan will more than likely drive him away, and bring on a divorce, than save the marriage.

Yes I think I would have to leave him if he did it again. I dont believe in cheating of any kind. I would never cheat on him no matter what, but that's just who I am. She is a sex addict. I dont know why she did it but she is definately out of our lives. There is no chance it will happen again with her. No, we were not fighting when it happened. I thought everything was great. We were getting along & no problems in the bedroom either. He has no excuse except that she offered & he took her up on it. He said he hated himself the minute it was over. She did stalk us for a while but hopefully that wont happen anymore either. She is psycho. She told her husband about it but turned it around so it looks like we are the bad guys. She tells him enough of the truth so that he believes her.