Passive Aggressive

I grew up in a dysfunctional home where I did not learn good conflict resolution, so I am not the person to advise you on that. But there are wise people here and I suggest you post the above answer to my post again, and ask where you go from here.

Your wife is being passive aggressive and is getting back at you the only way she knows how. When you finally let her get to you by blowing up, that, in her mind, proves her right in what she did - kind of gives her validation in getting back at you. Sad that her diet is atrocious, sadder still that your child is getting the same diet. But if your wife is the main caregiver, you have to find some way to resolve this and complaining and criticizing will not work - not to say letting her get to you and then blowing up.

Again, I stress what I did in my earlier post. Say nothing negative to her. When she tries to control you, with the TV, for example, go out and buy another TV for you to watch. Say everything complimentary to her and to your child that you can to build their self esteem. Criticism of another adult or child almost never helps. Only building up that person will.

Determine to be happy. If she squeezes the toothpaste in the middle, get your own tube of toothpaste. Should you have to do this? No, but you do it to be happy, not to be right. Only by being happy despite your circumstances will allow your best good to come into you, and don't think that that won't rub off on your child. He will quickly come to realize who is bitter and who is not. If you are going to stay in this marriage (and I would say it is cheaper to keep her), you have to realize that her bad eating habits and television obsession is as much an addition as gambling or drinking - it is just more acceptable in today's society.

Get yourself into a mens' support group. You need the guidance of other men. Either a church group, Celebrate Recovery, a 12 step group, something. Get a hobby, and have fun at that hobby - nothing intricate, but something that your son might like to participate in with you if he likes. Maybe put up a basketball hoop. Learn to bowl. Join a church and take him to church with you. You have not said how old he is, but if he is young enough, he can still be influenced. See that he gets support that he needs by getting him into a boys club, or church group, or even Boy Scouts. If he is a teenager, you have to find out what he likes to do and do it with him, all the time never criticizing, but trying to enjoy time with him. He is going to have to make his own decisions in what his life would be like, and if he is a teenager, you can only suggest, and cannot be heavy handed.

Let me tell you about women with bad diets - they really need love and attention, and really need good sex. They need to know how much they are loved. The reason they have bad diets is because they are unsatisfied with themselves and their lives, for whatever reason, and the food fills up that empty space. Women have feelings that they don't know how to handle and they stuff them. Perhaps this stems from bad communication between the two of you, perhaps this has been a problem since growing up, but the answer is to help her find self esteem. You have to be somewhat of a detective here and find out what does make her feel good about herself. And you have to give her that and help her give herself that without lording it over her.

Be glad a bad diet and mindless television is her addiction and not shopping or gambling or infidelity.

You must have found something worth while in this woman since you married her and had a child with her. And you seem like an intelligent man. You can change the situation without sitting down and talking to her about it and having another blow up. You have to increase her self esteem, because obviously she is having trouble.

You need to change the situation for the sake of your marriage and your son, and for the sake of your own mental health. And you cannot do it in a me versus them mentality. You cannot do it with an I am right, you are wrong attitude. You have to show her you love her Just as She Is, and your son as well. Then you can move forward. You have to be nicer, sweeter, more genuine, and get your own healthy interests. You have to find a happy you, and you have to find it in healthy ways, not in the local bar or in another woman. Find out what she liked in you when she first met you and do more of that.

And you have to find out specific ways that wiser people work out conflicts. I can't help you, but maybe others will chime in here. If not, find some kind of support group. Try two or three different things to find what works for you.

I was the woman with the bad diet, needing someone to love me. I prosper on love and encouragement and I retreat with criticism. I have learned, over the years, to love myself, but it was not easy. It was not easy, but I did it. She would be so grateful if you helped her love herself without criticizing her into trying to. I absolutely avoided criticism as I was criticized so much as a child. I worked extra hard in everything, just so I would not be criticized. I stuffed my feelings. I was depressed and found no pleasure in anything except sex. I kept the television on all the time, even at night, because it drowned out my feelings, and if there was one thing I could not stand, it was to feel any upset at all. More depression, more isolation. I had been hurt so much, I just could not stand one more hurt, and more, refused to hurt, refused to feel. I want you to consider that this might be your wife. She needs kindness. She needs love and attention. She needs a man who has a life of his own that he runs very well, and is not obsessed with criticizing the way she runs her life. She needs a strong man that can take her when she is nice and go do something else when she is not.

Please let us know how it goes.