Re: Calm down!

Oh these are wonderful responses! We have been on and off since Aug. 28th, I would say maybe actually together a month and a half? We don't say I love you to eachother. Some of our problems include that we have very different lifestyles. I go to 4 year university and have not much time for fun. He has a full time job and then has time to hangout with his friends. I don't particularly like it when he goes to parties and have made that clear. He has stopped, he doesn't really like doing it either. Basically, his boys have been his friends since he was a toddler and he just goes with the flow. He's cut this lifestyle off though.

Our huge blowout 2 weeks ago centered around the fact that him and I had tentative plans to hangout. He wouldn't pick up his phone and I saw his car was back(he lives around the corner from me). I went over and walked upstairs and he was up there, with his best friend and 2 girls I had never seen before. I of course left fuming mad and we didn't talk for a week. I ended up finding out that the girls both have bf's, he's known them since they were kids, he has no interest in them and that his mistake was drinking and not calling me. He knows he screwed up, he apologized and we've come to terms with the whole thing. I cannot say I've put myself into good situations either since I've been dating him. I've made some dumb decisions as well. Anyways, he does not lie to me and he does not cheat. I know these things FOR FACT. He's a bit of a bad boy and I went through a bit of commitment phobia.

So, now we are up to the last week and a half or so. All of a sudden, I am stricken with anxiety, fear, etc. I think most of the anxiety I center around him. I get these irrational thoughts that he is going to do something horrible to me. He very well could, anybody could, however, it's not likely, there's no basis for it. And even if he did, who cares. Having a bf is a trial and error, it's not your whole life. So I don't know what's going on with me. I've lost interest in my favorite activities-shopping, reading, walking the dog, hanging out with my friends. I just don't care anymore. I have the anxiety under control(well, with a bandaid on it) and I am now able to discern the other feelings I've been having. I feel depressed. I think I have been depressed since I was 17. That is also when my anxiety started. It seems like birth control has helped cover it for a lot of the time. But I think it's always been there. Now, for some reason, it's exploded beyond my control.

I don't know if this is relevant-I've had a bad childhood. My dad is bi-polar and suffers from anxiety.