Re: Relationship mistrust

Thanks for all the replies. You guys have a level of insight I was not seeing, which is why I didnt think I was good to give advice in this situation and why I posted.

I was seeing the superficial more than the root of the issues which was making it very difficult for me to even hear although I didnt want to be involved. I was hearing what each of them said and had problems with (I have known them for a long time so I have always heard it)....the funny thing is, I agreed with both of them. I understand where he is coming from and if a girl I was dating refused to be open with me about men she spent a lot of time around or refused to answer simple questions about them.....I would not trust her either where they were concerned and think something was going on. He is controlling now, I agree and he is wrong. He should have left instead of be that way. I knew him before he dated her and he was not controlling at all with the girls he dated. I did not know her well before they started dating to be clear. On the flip side, when I hear her say that she doesnt think she should be badgered about people she works around because she is not doing anything wrong....I agree with her too because I have heard him talk to her about it. It is very possible that she refuses to say anything to him because she has been burned so many times when she did open up...and he took it, ran with it, and verbally abused her with what she told him. Not that he always did that, but I have heard him do it....I have heard her do the exact same thing. If a girl sat by him in a meeting...all of a sudden, they are doing it???? Same with him when she says things, but I will say he is certainly worse about it than she is...outwardly anyway. It is like what each of them do....KNOWINGLY....provokes what the other absolutely cannot stand....IT IS LIKE THEY WANT IT THIS WAY SOMETIMES? THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WILL CAUSE THE REACTION IN THE OTHER SO THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO.

They bring out the absolute worst in each other, they are so stubborn, so vindictive....yet at times, you see them be perfect together which is what they say keeps them together as they know they can be that way and hope for it long term (yet do nothing to ensure it)...I think it is more likely that they COULD HAVE been that way but now as you all have pointed out there is no trust or respect, it is fleeting.

The sad part is, they are neither one is a bad person and I really like both of them from my perspective (wouldnt from theirs). They are fun to be around seperately, they have been very helpful and not expect things back in return (doing things to be nice, not to get payback), they are stable in their jobs, take care of family obligations when they come up, etc. They just have made SO MANY mistakes and are SO STUBBORN that they are so deep in trouble but they refuse to let go or to do what it would take to repair it....so they basically drown together in stubborness, vindictiveness, the past, mistrust, anger, you name it. The saddest part is, I really do not think this will change or that either will completely leave the other. Guess it is best for me to stay out.