Relationship mistrust

I’m not the best to give relationship advice, but a couple I know are having a lot of issues (not married) and I thought I would post to see what other would say as they both came to me together to talk about it. I don’t think they should be together personally, but that is not an option for them they clearly state and honestly I don’t know who what to make of the situation because I see both sides. Both are very stubborn...they are to the point they dont talk much, but this has drug on for months if not a year or more and personally, I dont see it stopping.

The problem for them comes down to trust. He doesn’t trust her and she doesn’t trust him. From her side he is controlling she says because he use to always expect her to tell him everything about everyone to put it in her words and she doesnt feel that she should have to do that. His take on it is that he is not wanting to know everything about everyone, but would like to understand how the relationships with the people she is around most are. She has cheated previously on a past boyfriend with people she works with…him being one of them. She has done this several times in the past but he has no proof she has done it since they have been together. She says she hasn’t. He has always been, from my experience with him very abrasive when he gets mad and when he wants something he goes beyond what a normal person would to get it. She says that is why she wont “open her life” up to him as he wants. He says it is because she is hiding things from him and with her past mistakes, he thinks she has something with someone she works with. What he says he wants is to know how things are with those she works with so he can establish some trust in her and not be in the same rut he always has been and not make the mistakes he use to (his admission). He states she has lied, manipulated, broke promises…all about the men she works with for years now. That she ignores his calls when they are there sometimes…when at lunch for instance....but in a group setting, not individual lunch together she says. She goes to more and more group lunches where the guys are knowing that her boyfriend doesn’t trust what is going on and doesn’t like it because of the mistrust. She says he is just trying to control her life and she knows he will twist anything she says to find something wrong with what she has done as that is what he always has done therefore, she refuses to “open her life up” so he can get this comfort level he says he does not have. It is like the chicken and the egg and with them both being so stubborn....

So they have a standoff and have for a long time. The longer it goes, the less he trusts her and the worse their fights get about everything. He has stopped opening his life and does to her what she does to him and now she doesn’t trust him either…but refuses to open hers up or see it although he has said he does it because she does and doesnt want it that way???? Whew. Anyway, aside from the obvious run away from each other as fast as you can….what do you guys see in their positions and how they can move forward? He says until she opens her life up, there is no chance at trust but even when i have seen her try, he was so bitter and mistrusting that he was a jerk. She says that until she knows he will react differently, she wont do it but has made other excuses before that he met and she still didnt do it. Per him, she has always been secretive about them since she started there. I will say he has been quite a bad person toward her and been very mean to her about things…some things she did wrong, some that appeared wrong, and some were not wrong…but either way he has been a real jerk at times…and personally, I think a lot of the times.

What do you think?