Classic

I hate to say this, but that relationship is doomed.

I don't know much, but I know one big thing. Once the respect and the trust is gone, it's over. Respect, it's key to a relationship. I've seen it happen over and over through my years with various couples.

You can still love each other, you can still have sex but once that's gone..it's gone.

Seriously, I see no hope out of their hole. Perhaps with major (and I mean MAJOR) counseling, but it sounds like it's instilled deep down.

I have an acquaintance that ended up marrying a man who had been married three times before. In fact he was still married to the third when he met her. Apparently he had played the same scenario out on the second marriage too. He was handsome and charming. My friend fell head over heels with him. They had a whirlwind romance, very intense. I had so many red lights going off with this guy that my fear basically drove a wedge between us.

Very soon after meeting her, he left his wife and they moved in together. They partied, went on cruises...really living the life.

The day his divorce was final (6 months later) he asked her to marry him. All this time I'm warning her, warning her......They got married within 4 months, and she was pregnant soon after.

It got ugly. I've never seen such a decline. They really didn't know each other well. They had hardly ever gotten over the romantic period before they took all those permanent steps.

And the lack of trust was amazing. Of course his history didn't help. She simply could not trust him, and everything he did seemed suspect. And then she lost respect for him. I think it sort of hit her what his angle was.

He is a selfish bastard. A real narcissist. She was already incredibly disfunctional. This was about 20 years ago, and now they have two kids. They still live in the same house because they are so possessive of possessions. They have both had numerous affairs. I could see the respect leaving so soon after the first baby was born. Even with my horrible marriage behind me, I have rarely seen such a painful relationship. I often wonder how those children are.

And I too had that loss of respect for my ex. Once you get to the place you look at the person and think..yuck, game over.

That's why I always say, the secret of a good, long lasting relationship is to look at your spouse with a fuzzy lens. See them as the person you first fell in love with, and never really look at them closely. No inspections....you do and you can really be doomed.

Molly