you've got to get a grip on your emotions...
the shame is that your friend obviously was not totally open you... or you would have known that he did not share the same feelings as you... i had a very similar situation early on in life...
but the bottom line is that we have no control over what others think/say/or do... we cannot make anyone love us... but... we can learn to love ourselves... and for you i would say that this would be the missing part of the puzzle...
you are letting what another person is doing(a situation beyond your control)take over your inside emotions/feelings... but... try to wrap your thinking around this idea if you can... no one can hurt you unless you allow them to... no one... it is only you that are hurting you... i repeat... no one can hurt you unless you allow them to hurt you... and that is exactly what you are doing... you are not only allowing what your friend did to hurt you but you are thinking about going so far as to punish your self for what he did... it would be the same thing if i were taking poison in hopes of killing my enemy... wouldn't it...???
the better thing to do is to forgive your friend... and forgive yourself... let it go... what seems really terrible can prove to be something wonderful... it could be that there is someone or something better in store for you...
"to thine self be true"...
"greater is the one that conquers 'self' than the one that conquers the world"...
take care...
God bless...