Re: How Do We Find Wholeness?

Ah interesting. Now here is the rub. I am an atheist. No easy feat. It's not very warm and fuzzy, you know? So life is all important to me because I don't believe in a hereafter. Sometimes I am jealous of those that believe, but not enough to do so myself. I'm really putting myself out there telling you this because it is not a popular thing to attest to.

However I do believe in something. Not a creator per se, but perhaps something more astral. I believe in the body producing energy. What happens to that energy at death is a paradox to me, but I do have the feeling that we don't just expire. Is that spiritual? Perhaps.

Someone who was a spirtual healer once told me that I had healing powers through my expended energy. I have always felt this. I used to lay hands on loved ones to take away pain and it worked! It was sort of scary to me. Simple things like tummy aches and headaches. My hands would heat up quite a bit when this happened.

I knew that if I had this power it was coming from my mind. When I let my mental and then physical body break down I was unable to do this kind of simple healing. As I've gotten healthier I feel the power come back. It's sort of freaky. I have total control over it. I sort of think I forced this power over myself during my whole healing process.

Abandonment issues. Seperation from the mother. Seperation from other humans. Unable to merge. It's lonely except for those that have that magical connection. But at times even that magical connection is disconnected as life takes its twists and turns and faith wanes. Loss of faith is a death knell to some. Its a very slippery slope. Those that never question their faith however are of a different ilk. It's human nature to question however. To those that never ever question there is something else going on.

Because I'm an atheist it's hard to believe in Karma. Even so I've seen it play out many times. In the end I think humans decide their own fate. The hurtful events that create the drama that create the bad decisions that create the self hatred, etc etc.

My mother in law is a die hard Catholic...the eastern european type. She faithfully went to church almost everyday. She was practicing hard core natural health for years, she walked 5 miles a day. Mentally she was in more pain than any person I've ever known. She started having strokes at 75. Her body is good, her mind is gone. The month before her stroke her doctor told her she was healthy as a horse. She had so much hatred and anger (a victim of WWII). After her first few strokes she thought God was punishing her for some major indiscretions. In the eyes of the Church you could say that she was very sinful, and so she went everyday looking for her salvation. Do I believe that she caused her strokes? Absolutely. It was the only way out of her pain. Her disconnect.

I feel like I'm just rambling now, and I guess the point I'm trying to make is that perhaps your poor friend has more personal mental demons in her closet than meets the eye. The new found hobby of the husband is very telling. People don't just go from this to that for no reason at all. Someone has lost control and I suspect that perhaps the wife did so first. By "loss of control" I mean going so far into the depths of denial that it was impossible to listen to her own body, therefore creating physical chaos. To end up with that much cancer there had to be prerequisite physical distress. There must have been signs.

It's a sad situation and I feel sorry for her. I feel sad about the pain her husband is in. She must feel so lonely really.

Sorry for the long post. Sometimes I get into steam of consiousness posting.

Molly



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