Re: Try this..

Yes, it is becoming more clear how your beliefs are blinding you... how words are bent and twisted to fit into the fortress of that ego of yours has built for itself... the story is a metaphor, for the knowledge referred to is meant the borrowed knowledge that the mind accumulates within itself... the collection of beliefs within the mind is what causes one to be thrown out of the garden...

You are standing in the garden of which you speak... you are simply blinded by all that which has been accumulated within the mind... you cannot see through such thick walls that you have built for yourself. but you feel like you are not in the garden... you can not see it. You cling to your beliefs as if they were a prescious treasure... but they only bring misery back to you.

Your original post is not really seeking help wanted but merely support from others for the the system of beliefs that you have accumulated for yourself... perhaps you should have posted this in the Christianity Forum instead...

A messenger from god is speaking to you... all the time, messesngers of existence, of god are speaking to you... but you are waiting for one that fits into the profile you have of him... one that buttresses your own ego... existence does not work like that... will never come like that... it does not provide according to what you want... it provides according to what is needed for your growth... and it comes in ways that are least expected... not in ways that you want it to come... perhaps your situation you are finding for yourself is something, in some way... that is needed for you to go through... it is your arena to learn what is needed to learn...

Christian priests have a long history of being outrageously evil themselves... a central part of the massacre of the Aztecs and the Mayans... the thousands of monstrous acts in the burning of women at the stake, in the witch hunts of Europe and in this country... as in Salem. And the hundreds of reported cases of sexual abuse to women & children committed by these holy priests... are just a few... there are countless more incidents that i am sure you would rather not be reminded of. Christianity has been the cause of much of the wars & the other miseries in this world. Together with the other so-called established religions... it is the reason why this world is in the mess that it is in. Your situation... the conflict going on within you is, perhaps, just representative of what the world at large is going through... man killing man... mankind raping the earth... murdering the animals and other life forms... your right hand fighting with your left hand... the left brain fighting with the right.

Blind as blind can be... the war will continue... until understanding arrives.

All words are lies... whether they be from scriptures, holy bibles or from out of mouth of God himself... for it is the human mind that will twist and turn their meanings any which way the bloated ego wants them to have... to fit into the idea of how the life ought to be... not to how it truly is...

Best of luck to you bfree... you have chosen a very hard and long path for yourself.
I trust that understanding will come... eventually.

Again, peace to you.