Re: What would you do?

Hi, I'd be most interested in hearing how you and your ex-boyfriend made telephone contact after 25 years. Just curious.

Both you and your former boyfriend have been unhappy for quite awhile. During this unhappy time you've probably both grown comfortable with the thought "what if?" and it's become a pleasurable escape. The grass is greener on the other side type of thing?

Is it possible you can remember some loving times together with your husband and have just gotten into a pattern of negativity with him?

No doubt your husband has sensed you’re not fully invested in the relationship, this could help explain the sex issue. Dreaming and fantasizing about another man for 25 years is surely causing interference in your marriage.

Perhaps you're subconsciously comparing your husband to your ex-boyfriend and in your eyes he never measures up. Try imagining your life with your husband as if you had never had this first relationship. Would you look at it differently?

Difficulties in the bedroom regarding sex may not mean you have a loveless marriage. Please think about the differences between love and sex as to whether you actually have a loveless marriage versus a sex-challenged marriage.

Have you and your husband talked about these concerns? I believe the main consideration here is if your marriage can be improved. This would seem to need resolving first before entering into another relationship.

25 years have passed and you and your former boyfriend are most likely different people. What if you left your husband and found out the reality of a present day relationship with this man is not all that great? You both have families to consider and children on both sides. This decision affects more than just you and this man.

My gut feeling is that you should keep the warm memories in your heart of this long ago romance and concentrate on your present life and family.

If you decide to leave your husband for your ex-boyfriend, please take it slowly. A renewed relationship at this time would frankly be a lot different from being footloose at 19. In your desire to rekindle the flame you may not see things clearly with him at first. Because so much time has passed you really need to get to know him as the person he is now rather than the memory of him.

Carrying a torch for someone for 25 years while being married must surely interfere with your present life plenty. You may want to question this decision and ask if you can finally let it go. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s holding you back in so many areas of your life that it must be almost stifling. In that sense you didn’t miss out on life with your ex-boyfriend, but you’ve been missing out during the last 25 years with your husband.

I hope everything works out for you and you find happiness, Flower Tweet