Feeling betrayed and hurt is an appropriate response. You have been together for a year...he knows how you feel about porn but is obviously still in it's grips.

Some will say that there is nothing wrong with it and perhaps you should join him and loosen up a bit. Don't do it! There are many issues here...the least of which is that sex is a very emotional thing for most women. The folks who enjoy porn will tell you it's just a little porn...what's the big deal? Well if it's not a big deal then they should be able to change their behavior if they know their partner has a major problem with it.

The big deal is when viewing porn one is lusting in their hearts for something/someone else. They are essentially programming themselves. I personally don't want to be with someone who is thinking about something they saw in a movie/mag. I want to be with someone who wants to share an experience with me...who is looking to please me as well as be pleased by me. It's a give and take and a VERY intimate part of your relationship.

Porn is also addicting. My X was into it quite intensely...to the point that by the time I decided we wouldn't be having a relationship any longer, he was into some seriously disgusting garbage. Of course it doesn't always get to that point but do you really want to invest more years into the relationship only to find out later he's still involved or that the behavior has escalated? (I wasted seven years tryig to help my X work through this and other issues).

Some years ago I had allowed my Brother in law to move in my home, in exchange for doing some work. He had hidden some mags under a bed in a spare room. It happened to be the kid's play room. Needless to say when I found them he was told to leave. The problem for him was my friend was engaged to him and had just had a similar conversation as yours...only thing was he denied that he was looking at them. She was smart and broke their engagement. (By the way, it doesn't impress me that your BF didn't lie about it...it just tells me that he has decided he's going to partake whether you like it or not and does not care who knows) Big red flag.

Anyway, this is something very important to you. Do NOT compromise yourself. I know you have a year invested in the relationship but in the overall scheme of things that is not a lot of time. Fact is he knows your stand and doesn't share your view.

I would take a break from being with this person and take some time to think about what you want in a mate. Don't waste time trying to make your BF into something he's not...and don't delude yourself into thinking this is not a big deal.

I'd make a list of traits you would like in a man and when considering a person, stick to the list. Don't make excuses or compromise because he's cute or has a great body or any other shallow reason. You are a valuable person and your goal is to be with someone who values you as a partner.

I wish you well.

being a young man i may be able to give some insight. males are males. we have an extremely high level of hormones and that is a fact. we are in our sexual prime in our late teens. this may seem like some stupid excuse but really it is as simple as that. p 0 r n is an outlet for uncontrollable amounts of hormones. there are only a few options for men when it comes to release of pent up emotions. A. sleep with as many people as you can. B. take out agression by being violent. C. spiritual enlightnment i.e. meditation. D. masturbation..
I just put it on the table for you.. This is the honest truth. The reality. Masturbation is very natural and put next to other alternatives it is the most safe. Women make the mistake of thinking that because a man looks at a women in p 0 r n that somehow they have this relationship with them..That is not true. They look at the p 0 r n. Release the pent up hormones, and go about their day. We dont think about these women in p 0 r n. We think about our girlfriends. Ask any guy if they would ever date a p 0 r n star and although the thought may be entertained, any man would admit that they could never be with a p 0 r n star.

As a student of para-counseling I am involved in such topics, so here goes:

I know how you feel. Men are just different than women. Testerone thing ya know. So he is addicted to it. His friends probably all do it too or maybe even his father, brothers and uncles. Role models have a great effect on us. It doesn't make him a bad person and don't feel like he is cheating on you either. He might be afraid if he let's this go, he might lose something like erections or whatever. His very maleness. Some sort of insecurity present here. (Ask him when it all started---home,friends or/and school?)

I don't know how old he is but I want to share with you something sort of funny. I went to D Queen the other day and had some ice cream with a friend and in walked these two jocks, about 15 or 16 years old. The whole time they were in DQ they both were touching and rubbing themselves and their new toy. That is just the way guys are. Always checking to see if it is still attached.

As my Auntie use to say, "boys will be boys".

This has nothing whatsoever to do with you as a female. I am sure he would be the first to admit this to you.

I have been with a wonderful person for 2 years. When we got together he would look at other women while with me; to me that's totally inconsiderate. He also had porno's that he wanted to watch with me.

I explained that it is the height of humiliation to be with a man that looks at other women while he is with me. I understand that if they don't look, then they are dead. So go ahead and look, but don't do it with me and make me look stupid. He had no clue that this was the case. After my explaining this to him and how his fun and enjoyment was hurting me, he quit. Because as he says "you are so very important to me and I want you in my life".

Also, with pornos. If it was me, I would just say I don't want to be a part of it. Do what you want but I don't want to know anything about it. You can only take care of yourself and certainly cannot make anyone do anything and if you try, you are setting yourself up for a lot of grief and misery and an unhappy life.

I also told my special guy, and this really hit home with him, that the very girls you are watching many have diseases. They are not living a healthy and happy life and you are promoting it when you buy and watch them. If they are not in spiritual pain now, they will be in their lives (because of what they are doing as porno queens). I am sure he would be terrified to even have sex with them if he had a chance. No, he would not pick someone like that. Instead he has you.

When I explained all this to him it made sense. I was not emotional like some women can be. I just stated the facts; men understand that more. Simply put---- that when you do this when you are with me, you hurt me in a very deep way because you are very important to me.

It is a shame our society promotes sex the way it does. But our men are vulnerable to it through the computer and television. Easy access. It is not really all his fault as he is just a victim of society but if he can look into this a little deeper he might see the wisdom in it.

I hope this helps.

I'm sure while you feel you have a fantastic love life, for just about any guy they want more. It is just a fact of nature, that they are designed to be constantly looking for the best breeding partner they can find. Looking at porn be it movies or pics is really the safest way for them to do this in our current society -and a lot of guys do just look, it is simply curiosity about what other people do, how other people look and act.

I can definately understand how you feel in relation to insecurity, as I was in the same position for a long time. But the fact really is the guys generally wont be comparing those girls to you. These girls represent fantasy, a simple release when it is required.

I really agree with some of the oter messages that say for you to let it go, if he wants to do then let him, just make sure he accurately understands your objections and how it is affecting you. Sit down and discuss with him actually what he is getting out of it and why he does it. That may help you understand his perspective as well. As I am sure he isn't doing it with the intension of hurting you.

The best thing I have found for issues like this in the 7 years I've been with my partner is to talk, talk, and talk some more until you both cleary understand where you are both situated and the best way to move forward for a productive and happy relationship.

All the best.

I know you think it is disgusting but.....
many young boys, many men and some girls and women look at p 0 r n and most masturbate. The thing is they are going to masturbate anyway even without the p 0 r n; either from magazines, photos, night clubs girls/ guys, looking at girls/ guys at the beach etc. Most of this stuff is forgotten afterward. None of this should affect your relationship at all unless he tries to do some of this real kinky stuff with you or someone else..it's the agreement between you and he that's impoortant. I wouldn't even bring up p 0 r n...it's mostly fantasy.
I've looked at some and it doesn't affect me at all. My love for my partner is the same.
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Many young boys, many men and some girls and women look at p 0 r n and most masturbate. The thing is they are going to masturbate anyway even without the p 0 r n; either from magazines, photos, night clubs girls/ guys, looking at girls/ guys at the beach etc. Most of this stuff is forgotten afterward. None of this should affect your relationship at all unless he tries to do some of this stuff with you or someone else..

Because you asked.....
I agree that much of p 0 r n is rude, disgusting and crude. Realizing that much of it is fake isn't very reassuring. Knowing that some p 0 r n stars are infected with HIV doesn't help either. The fact that p 0 r n is close to organized crime is not helping.
I believe that it is the relationship you have with your boyfriend and the agreement that you have between you that is more valuable. Most men either look at books, watch p 0 r n, etc to fulfil the fantasy part of their relationship. It is their space by themselves and WAY better than looking/ touching/ sleeping with other girls.
So, if you think your boyfriend is different from other men, forget it...we are all about the same...most of us. Men will masturbate occasionally during a marriage/ relationship...sometimes in their sleep or when they think your sleeping. Nothing to do with love or caring. p 0 r n usually doesn't hurt anything unless it becomes an OBSESSION, is not private or is taken seriously.
This is kind of the same situation as if a mother accidently sees her son masturbating...turn away and relax, it is the safest form of sex he could have. Saying something could permanently harm him.
However, I can undestand the way you feel. Remember, all men are basically the same.
The ones that do not look at p 0 r n or naked pictures might have a way more serious problem. I would guess he's just a normal guy doing normal things.