Should fantasies become reality? 
#13933
20 y
3,295
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My boyfriend has unusual sexual desires, and I don't know if I can fulfill his fantasies. He only wants anal sex and oral sex (performed on him), and he keeps pushing me into trying a threesome with another woman. I love him, but more and more I feel neglected and ignored. He is wonderful to me in every way except in bed. I understand his need for sexual freedom and adventure, but I don't think I can handle this. Am I prudish to not want to bring a third party into our bedroom? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.- Re: Should fantasies become reality? Cowboy2138
20 y
3,204
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This is a reply to # 531,315Advertisement
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
My policy has always been it takes 2 to have sex not 3 or more the thing about oral is almost everyguys even me :) me and my girlfriend had anal 2 times she didn';t like it so I stopped pursuing it for one if he loves you he shouldn't push you for one to do things you are scared over do NOT let him say if you love me you will do it well can you please try it please please please no I am sorry thats not a man that loves you he is interested in one thing and thats sex if its that way and to ask for another woman what makes you think he loves you when thinks of adding another woman to the picture think about ithow would you know if he loves you while making love when he might be thinking man I wish I had another girl doing this with me > tell him that your thoughts if he has even the slightiest argument to say to you then leave his butt he is not worth it sex is a fun thing and a gift dont let it become a thing of a chore just to make him happy sex is not fun with only 1 person happy if it was me I would hate it if my girlfriend only had sex to make me happy...it wouldn't make me happy knowing she was only doing it for me you should both like it and do things that you can both enjoy not just one though it should be kept exciting cause just plain sex can get boring make it fun do it in odd places or role-play make it hot by goin to a nice restraunt and then goin to a hotel with candles and things like that keeps things new or suprise him for when he gets home and your in the mood have a trail of condoms.... or your clothes leading to the room and suprise him he should put the effort in just like you should :) enjoy sex but remember one thing has he asked you what you would like to make you happy in bed things you would enjoy him doing to do instead of you doing it to him its your body and mind be comfortable and not tense
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- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,181
MoreThis is a reply to # 531,320Hi. I just responded to you and I think it may have been erased, so here it is again......
Thanks for giving me a male viewpoint. Right now I feel we're in a crisis. He's not demanding that I go along with him, but he's not showing any indication of doing anything for me or WITH me as his partner. How can I even think about bringing a 3rd person into our relationship when we're not even connected in this way? He doesn't get how this makes me feel. I feel like I'm not good enough for him as I am BY MYSELF!
In every other way he is a wonderful man. I don't want to lose him, yet I don't want to compromise myself either.Advertisement
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- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,181
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? dave s.
20 y
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This is a reply to # 531,315Advertisement
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
is your boyfriend into p 0 r n?it kind of sounds like hes not into really connecting with you in a more intimate love related way.if he is into p 0 r n maybe he can cut down or not indulge that for awhile and see if his sex desires shift a bit.i would say what most people would say if its a fantasy your comfortable with it then great and if your not theres nothing wrong with that either.have a good one- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,118
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This is a reply to # 531,322I don't know if he is or not. I think in the past he needed lots more stimulation than the average man. Why, I'm not sure. This whole situation makes me question my values, my beliefs, my sense of self-worth. Why would a man need 2 women when he has the one who he claims is the love of his life?
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,118
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? just_peachy
20 y
3,169
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This is a reply to # 531,315No, you're not a prude if you don't want a third party involved. You know what you like, what you want, and what you need. If you don't want 3, then don't do 3, same for anything else. If you want to and are just nervous, that's different, but it doesn't sound like that's the case, right? If you don't think you can handle, then don't do it. You are well within your rights to say "No" and he should respect that. Bottom line is if you don't want to do it, don't do it.
If he doesn't understand or respect that, that's *his* problem, not yours. What you may rather ask is, if his desires really do not mesh with yours, are you willing to continue on feeling ignored and neglected?
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- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,074
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This is a reply to # 531,323Advertisement
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
You've asked some potent questions. What I want is for the man I love to want to be with ME and not another woman at the same time. I couldn't bear the thought of him touching someone else. He makes me feel like I'm boring and totally puritanical. In reaction to that I become MORE inhibited and self-conscious than before. In the 9 months we've been together he has only REALLY made love to me one time! It's always been me giving to him. Yet he tells me that I'm the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I don't know how to interpret this. Is there something wrong with me?
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,074
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? athena1
20 y
3,315
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This is a reply to # 531,315First, don't become so passive that you allow people to talk you into doing things you are uncomfortable with. Obviously, your boyfriend has a variety of different sexual fantasies and fetishes. You are going to be better off communicating with him about how you feel or just finding someone new all together.
I just met a guy not long ago and I'm really assertive with him about what I want and don't want. He listens too. You need to stand up for yourself, and lay down the law with this guy.- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,097
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Thank you so much for saying this. It IS very difficult for me to speak up about what I desire because he seems to think that "normal" sex is boring or not stimulating enough. I'm not totally against trying new things. In fact, I have.....but that doesn't mean compromising myself or our relationship. He's put so much pressure on me to do things his way and shows very little interest in pleasing me. I'm so upset. Apparently he's always been like this. I think the problem may be very deeply rooted.- You're welcome athena1
20 y
3,215
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
Hopefully at some point you will have someone in your life that will be willing to work with you and not against you in a relationship. Sometimes it's easier for me to be assertive with someone who is generally an easy and gentle person. This guy you are with doesn't appear to be either. I think I might have a hard time speaking up to him myself. So don't feel bad because you feel it's hard to speak up. It's just easier to do with some than others. You'll get there. Best wishes.- Re: You're welcome #13933
20 y
3,102
This is a reply to # 531,352Athena1,
Thanks again for your feedback and understanding. I did and have spoken up, however, he gets so bent out of joint. He backed off about the threesome issue claiming it's not a requirement (big of him, huh?), though he's constantly suggesting it either as a joke or seriously. What he doesn't seem to get is how much it hurts me to think of the man I love making love to another woman in front of me, especially since he almost NEVER touches me! Everytime I try to discuss how I feel, he throws it back onto me..."he can't trust me...I'm not ready to really be in a relationship....I haven't achieved real connection with him...I've gained weight".....it's always MY fault.
I'm beginning to think the real issue is that he just is not interested in achieving real intimacy with me, or with anyone. Both of us come from a lifetime of mistrust and dysfunction. And both of us are working very hard to leave those unhealthy behaviors behind. Apparently we're not doing so at the same rate...at least not when it comes to sexual issues.
I'm very confused. He says he loves me, and shows me in every other way...just not in this way. In most ways he's the best man I've ever known. He encourages me to fulfill my dreams. This is why it hurts so much. Thanks for listening.
- Re: You're welcome #13933
20 y
3,102
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #11369
20 y
3,125
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Di you say you were married to this guy? Nine months and only made love to you once? I think you should seek professional counseling. If you're not married yet, please forget about this guy and move on, if you're married then please try counseling if you want to save your marriage.
- You're welcome athena1
20 y
3,215
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,097
- Re: #11369
20 y
3,122
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
Would he like for you to bring in another man? I doubt it. Ask him, to think about that. I can only suggest that you not do it because you will regret it for the rest of your life....especially since you feel that way you say you do. I think that I would only ask this from my wife, if I didn't love her. Others may disagree but I couldn't share my wife with another person, man or woman.
Good luck! - Re: #11369
20 y
3,161
This is a reply to # 531,315Would he like for you to bring in another man? I doubt it. Ask him, to think about that. I can only suggest that you not do it because you will regret it for the rest of your life....especially since you feel that way you say you do. I think that I would only ask this from my wife, if I didn't love her. Others may disagree but I couldn't share my wife with another person, man or woman.
Good luck! - Re: #11369
20 y
3,134
This is a reply to # 531,315Would he like for you to bring in another man? I doubt it. Ask him, to think about that. I can only suggest that you not do it because you will regret it for the rest of your life....especially since you feel that way you say you do. I think that I would only ask this from my wife, if I didn't love her. Others may disagree but I couldn't share my wife with another person, man or woman.
Good luck!- Re: #13933
20 y
3,097
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I appreciate your response. This is very painful for me. I agree with you.....if he loves me, then he shouldn't need another woman in our bed. He's a free spirit. He's had threesomes a number of times in his life. Apparently without a great deal of stimulation, sex to him is boring. He believes that truly conscious people should be able to share themselves this way. To me, without the emotional connection and trust that two people in love can truly achieve, sex is just that...sex. Don't we all long for real connection? - Re: #13933
20 y
3,111
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
I appreciate your response. This is very painful for me. I agree with you.....if he loves me, then he shouldn't need another woman in our bed. He's a free spirit. He's had threesomes a number of times in his life. Apparently without a great deal of stimulation, sex to him is boring. He believes that truly conscious people should be able to share themselves this way. To me, without the emotional connection and trust that two people in love can truly achieve, sex is just that...sex. Don't we all long for real connection?
- Re: #13933
20 y
3,097
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? mtnndeww
20 y
3,142
This is a reply to # 531,315"...I understand his need for sexual freedom"!!!!!!!????? Are you out of your mind (no offense!)? Threesomes aren't normal. Obsessive anal sex isn't normal. Oral sex alone isn't normal. You've hooked up with a freak! Where's the circus? If this is what's going on now early in the relationship, by wedding time you two will be into nipple rings, midgets, and internet performances! It's good to be normal...take my word for it...normal is a nice place to be this day and age.
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,102
This is a reply to # 531,369For the most part I've stopped accomodating him sexually. As a result, we've become completely celibate. When I express my needs to him he tells me that there are other, more important, things in a relationship than sex. I agree, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it. Either he's unbelievably selfish, or really really dysfunctional. I only wish I knew....and wish I could fix this. He tells me he'll never leave me, yet I feel like he's pushing me away. Withholding affection is a form of abuse. He goes ballistic whenever I try to discuss this with him....he twists it to make it seem like I'm the one with the problem. I'm not a child anymore, but men find me very attractive. He seems to like women half his age with perfect bodies, at physically....and likes women his own age (like me) for companionship. I can't handle this anymore!Advertisement
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- Re: Should fantasies become reality? Jenkins
20 y
3,197
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
Regular sex isn't good enough, yet him getting off on a regular basis with your stimulation of some sort and not returning the favor is?? I see you stopped accomodating him. Good for you, now leave his sorry butt. Who cares if he is dysfunctional or just really selfish either way he sounds like a real jerk in this area. You said he seems to like young girls with perfect bodies for sex and older ones (his age and your age) for companionship?? Gee how much of a beating can your self esteem take?? I am sorry but this doesn't seem like a workable problem from everything you have said you seem to be beaten up emotionally over this and by your own admission talking about this "problem" to him gets you no where. So whats left for you to do?? Talk til your blue in the face and if he always finds a way to turn it around on you then what good is the talking?? It may hurt and it may be sad but you need to leave him. it will either bring him to his senses or at the very least you will have a chance at meeting a nice normal guy who would actually think it something special when the two of you have good old regular old fashioned sex.
Jenkins- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,083
This is a reply to # 531,395I'm beginning to think you're right. If I want companionship I can hang out with my female friends. I want a partner and this includes being a lover. I've given up enough of myself to and for others. Nothing I can say or do will change him. It's torture to be with him....to sleep with him and have him cuddle with me, but not make love to me. I've had enough!
- Re: Should fantasies become reality?
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #11369
20 y
3,259
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I hate to tell you this but you'll be better of without him..... He's going to want thresomes because he's used to it and he will probably not be happy eaither so it's best for both of you to find someone who agrees with you sexually.
Good luck!- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,164
This is a reply to # 531,405Advertisement
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
You're probably right. I'm becoming really tired of feeling like I'm not pretty enough or adventurous enough or deserving enough to be touched by the man who claims to love me and wants to marry me. What kind of man would do this to a woman? It's humiliating and so very hurtful. Whenever I try to talk about it he twists things around to make it seem like it's my fault. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a sexless marriage....or at least only have sex on HIS terms.- Re: Should fantasies become reality? just_peachy
20 y
3,052
This is a reply to # 531,415Bravo!
I just read back over a few of your posts and applaud how far you've come so fast. You deserve much better out of life. You deserve what is right for YOU, not living in the shadow of being wrong to yourself trying to be right for someone else.
Listen to your inner voice and stick to your principles. There are plenty of men out there who would absolutely love to have a woman who believes as you do about sex, love and marriage.
You're going to be better than just fine, you're already Wonderful!
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,103
This is a reply to # 531,467Thank you :) I appreciate your support. I'm still vascillating. He called me the other night and we talked for a long time about the path to real intimacy. His words were full of wisdom. This gave me hope that maybe we do have a chance. Of course it's the actions that count, not the words. I just know that I can't compromise my values. Having a threesome, or fulfilling his other fantasies, is not the core issue....it's symptomatic of the real problem. That is his avoidance of intimacy...e.g., not touching me, yet expecting me to perform for him and to touch him. Sometimes I think he's gay and can't face that. It's all very confusing, and it's taken a great toll on my emotional health.
I'll keep you posted.Advertisement
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- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,103
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? just_peachy
20 y
3,052
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,164
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? Jenkins
20 y
3,197
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,102
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? ksh
20 y
3,085
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
I have thought long and hard about the 3sm.
I am male.... that explains a lot.
although this is a wonderful fantasy, and one I am sure many people have, think it through....
1. what is the difference between having sex with someone other than your partner regardless of their presence?
2. could you sit back and watch your partner have sex with another without ANY possible negative impacts on your relationship?
3. if the 3sm was between close friends, could those relationships ever be the same?
although I love the idea of the fantasy, I could never try to bring it into reality without expecting some form of relationship breakdown either between my wife and I, or my wifes friendship (in the case of it being a frind of my wifes). I would have to say some fantasies should remain just that.- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,058
This is a reply to # 531,720Thanks Ksh :) Thank you for really thinking about this issue. I'm coming to believe that my partner is terrified of intimacy. Until he exorcises the demons that are driving him to want detached, voyeuristic sex, he can't have a deep connection....at least not with me. The whole 3some thing is yet another way to maintain a distance between us.
You have no idea what it means to me to read your response. This is what I can't seem to get through his head....there is no way (at least for me) that bringing another person into our relationship would work. It would devastate me that he would need/want to touch another woman, and I certainly couldn't be with another man without having a real emotional connection....which would most likely cause our relationship to end. I guess I'm just not that enlightened. The bottom line is, I don't want sex for sex's sake...I want it as an expression of my love for him. That doesn't mean that within the bounds of our commitment we can't have fun...just not at the expense of the relationship.
Does anyone else have an opinion?Advertisement
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- Re: REally, you should leave him paulista
20 y
3,108
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
His lack of consideration for your feellings, his not touching you...LEAVE..I've been there. And it's much better to have a normal loving sexual relationship.
GET OUT and don't look back, no matter how it hurts. This man seems to have a hold on you and you are totally weak. Get your strength up..use your women friends' support or toehr family members.
I hope it works out for you and I will wait to hear about it.
- Re: REally, you should leave him paulista
20 y
3,108
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? #13933
20 y
3,058
- Re: Should fantasies become reality? Cowboy2138
20 y
3,204
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