I am so, so sorry that you're experiencing this and I completely understand and identify with the desire to "Do Something," regardless of what that "something" might be.
First, please be patient. I know that you're in misery, but mental health issues aren't like a gaping wound - symptoms are not always obvious, and there are many clients that are not 100% truthful or honest about what's going on. For instance, certain personal information about childhood experiences and personal choices are excluded because the client is ashamed or afraid. So..........be patient.
Next, be honest and truthful. Tell the mental health people everything, even if it makes you appear less than perfect. Unless you tell them that you are planning to cause harm to someone else, anything that you tell them (and, I mean anything) is kept in the strictest confidence - they are not allowed to discuss you, your issues, your treatment, or your progress with anyone, by law.
Next, have more patience. Emotional recovery, mental health progress, and treatments require time. There is no magic wand, no magic pill, no magic technique, no hypnosis, not one single thing that will solve all of the issues - there isn't. Come to accept that fact, even if you don't *Like* it, and be patient.
You will likely be given a number of tests and a mood journal - be diligent in recording in your mood journal. Dates, times, feelings, impulses, actions, etc..........get it all down.
It just takes time to sort things out. And, you may not *need* antidepressants - these medications are being prescribed at an obscene level because the medical experts that prescribe them simply don't have the knowledge or skills to address EMOTIONAL health. They just don't. It's a whole different discipline that requires greater finesse and knowledge base than other disciplines do. Sure, a doctor has a great deal of knowledge and training, but it's pretty rote - meaning that stitching up one laceration is going to be much the same as the next. With emotional health, each individual is different with different histories and behaviors, etc. Having typed that, there are a host of patterns that can point to specific disorders and issues, but it takes a lot of time, patience, and skill to address them.
When you feel the fear becoming overwhelming, practice the technique of "Getting Into The Now" which is to literally tell yourself where your left hand is resting, then the right hand, then recognizing the air current, the temperature, and everything that you see, physically feel, smell, taste, and hear until you begin to feel more calm.
Brightest blessings to you.
I agree with Archus, 100%. We can type about techniques and whether it's "normal" to live inside one's head until the proverbial cows come home, but it does nothing to peel back the onion layers to get to the core of the issues.
Trauma can (and, often, does) have a lifetime impact upon individuals, especially if there was prolonged childhood trauma.
The typical response that I've heard for the past 20 years about counseling therapy is, "I can't afford it. My insurance won't cover it." Well, that's simply not an excuse good enough in my world. Most counseling therapists and their firms will absolutely work on a "sliding scale" which can bring down the cost of one session to $10. If my income is such that I cannot afford health insurance, I can apply for medical assistance which will cover EVERYTHING from mental health services to dermatologists and prescriptions. I can also make decisions about cutting out things that I don't really need in order to live. Like a cell phone or gaming subscription. I will not die without these things. Without sorting out my emotional issues, I could literally be digging my own grave. Stress and anxiety kills, and that's a medical fact, not a theory or myth.
Whatever an individual chooses to do (or, not do) is their own business, but it is vital to understand and accept that it takes time, patience, and personal committment to recover from emotional issues, and it is best accomplished with a mature, knoweldgable, and skillfull counseling therapist. I'm talking about someone who has experience under their belts and NOT someone who has just graduated with their Master's Degree.
Again, brightest blessings to you...