I’m so sorry you lost a friend this week! That’s got to be compounding so much right now! I’m itching to give you this magic key. I feel like I can offer some golden advice here but I so don't want to offend you. I understand healing genetic predisposition, it is a large piece of my personal puzzle right now. But I know that clearing congestion (of any sort, organic or inorganic) can pave the way to heal genetic predisposition. Everything is repairable. Hear my loving rant - and if it seems without merit, you can chock it up to a midnight rambling and I won't be offended.

I've been hot on this trail for years now, that nothing we suffer from can't be traced back to a root cause or congestion. Finding that road and staying on it - is wholly another thing, though. We all must remember that whatever equation we're given is our personal vocabulary for this life. Therein lies our greatest strengths and our weaknesses. Working that picture of empowerment (for you, it's celiac, for me it's another genetic mutation) everyday is each of our support process. There is a way out of celiac just as there is a way out of fatigue for me. Fatigue, parasite issues, metals, anemia – all involve allergies, sensitivities and the like and they make up a vocabulary for which everything in my life has a vital component. I can't puzzle my way out of being immuno-compromised, fatigued or anemic without wanting that zest for myself and for life. I'm not really telling you anything you don't know, though, this is just a reminder of similitude. For Mo, she's working with a vocabulary for MS and I’m sure, with it, comes a whole host of thought processes and intentions as well. Working that puzzle involves so much more than diet or avoidance of certain elements.

What is it that celiac represents? Louise Hay writes that sensitivity in the intestines is a mirror for a loss in the feeling of safety and a giving over of personal power. I know I am the bringer of this tone again and again and for some - they're building up that basket of old produce to throw at me - but everything we manifest in our beings has an intense, subconscious emotional/intellectual component. Can our physical malady be alleviated if we just stop thinking a particular way? Absolutely. It is as complex as it is simple. Is that type of personal manifestation only within the realm of Bodhisattvas and Ascended Masters?, not necessarily. But - God gives you this opportunity so that every angle of the puzzle is not seen as separate. When we each get to the point when we understand that everything REALLY IS everything, then we’re officially immersed in the project of our own healing. It means that only you know which of those thoughts continues to set up the scenario for ‘x’ to remain true. Through viewing your puzzle from every angle, knowing the whole while that it is still the same puzzle, do we each find our own brilliance.

We satiate ourselves in a myriad of ways, each of us. I have my predilections just as we all do. If it makes you feel any better, I'll tell you about mine. I know you've felt that the spot light has been beaming on you for days and that stinks, I know. I'll tell you about what my puzzle looks like. Remember - I've been working this pretty hard for years now and it wasn't overnight that I realized I couldn't get well without acknowledging each piece as equally valid teachers. When I don’t work those concurrent mental and emotional patterns, my digestive balance tips.

My mother was agoraphobic and a nocturnist and so am I. I've learned that nocturnists and agoraphobes have deep imbalances in their being that makes them experience a day/night flip and social anxiety. I can find loads of articles that say it's genetic. I can find articles that say it is parasites, metals accumulation, nutrition imbalances, food sensitivities, even childhood abuse, effectively symptoms of accumulation and deficiency - but when it comes down to it - it's ALL OF THOSE THINGS and in addition - it is a choice. It’s perpetuation is intricately linked to our choices.

Some days I don't want to give up being nocturnal, then for many days I am clear of how it's NOT helping. I’m not seriously agoraphobic anymore but it took A LOT of work and not without lovingly examining each one of the issues listed above. Why am I drawn to stay up late, make art and only hear my own thoughts? All of the reasons I’ve discovered are valid… but there is always an element of addiction. Just because I don't share the alcoholic and narcotic addictions my family did doesn't mean I don't have my own addictive vocabulary. I can say I grew up in a house with dysfunction and it was hard to hear yourself think during the daylight. I can say I stayed up later to hear the train at 9pm and the locusts and coyotes. The symphony seemed to only be played for me and I craved it. I could feel the veil between worlds was thinnest at that time and I could understand deeper energetic connections that way. There, within my predilection, lied my strength and what would be my greatest weakness. It became addiction. I never saw my mother’s nocturnal tendencies and addiction as symptomatic of agoraphobia or depression - I was too young. But I begin to see that she would avoid interpersonal contact with people during the day and stay up at night to satiate herself with what knew her best - addiction. She never felt lonely at night with alcohol and the cool night breeze.

I also have an addiction to sugar. I cannot have it in the house or I will crave it. These addictions and subsequent imbalance seem simple but they're not. They’re not necessarily less serious than celiac or depression. I became depressed and agoraphobic after I went through a long phase of sleep deprivation, after my breakdown, when my brother shot himself. I wouldn’t allow myself to crave alcohol or drugs and I justified that sleep deprivation, caffeine and sugar weren’t hard drugs. I sought comfort where I could find it. I sought that thin veil and the night's symphony to comfort me. The night understood me, the moon was my friend and at night - no one could look at me and tell there was something amiss. Therein - I lost that balance, though, and I had to work very hard to get back a sense of normality. I’m still working that balance. What I'm trying to say is that when we find incredible and sovereign comfort in one particular element - we become drunk with it and it begins to create an imbalance. For nocturnists - they often have an adrenal imbalance. We can say it's Vitamin D deficiency, we can also look to circadian rhythms, and a whole host of other pointers. I took it too far. I worked my nocturnal angle so hard as that's where my comfort lied, that now I have to work very hard to reset my circadian rhythms and nourish my adrenals. I created an imbalance by way of becoming drunk with one form of comfort. Would it be much easier to officially rid myself of parasites and metals if I hadn’t pushed my body so hard in my mid twenties? Ab-so-stinking-lutely.

At one point, in your life, you didn't experience this level of sensitivity and imbalance. However each of us ignored our body, spirit and mind's need for balance, we found ourselves our perfect puzzle. Puzzle your way back: if you find where you abused all of that which was at first, a luxury, and use self love to repattern your life - I am utterly convinced that you will magically find yourself gluten intolerant and not celiac.

Yes, Celiac is a genetic predisposition, it is also ‘linked’ to food allergy, it is an emotional component and it is directly linked to EVERYTHING you do - the way you walk, talk, sleep, eat, breathe. You are at a most brilliant time in your life. You are in your Saturn Returns. This is the period of your life when you deconstruct why you think the way you think and how to find your way out of your proverbial paper bag. My paper bag is SO comfy, designed just for me. I justified the habits that created my bag because the addictions weren’t synthetic and 'they' had been such ‘serious’ addicts (insert sarcastic tone here). Did I create that paper bag because I didn't feel confident to seek that comfort elsewhere? Yes. Is that lack of self love an element of addiction and extreme sensitivity? I strongly believe so.

None of us are very different from each other. Fear is the drug and it comes in any shape or size you'll recognize comfort in. I believe that Earth is the largest candy store you could ever imagine. Any flavor, color and packaging you want is available on this planet. The only remedy for which is being your own best friend, lover, family, minister and guide. It doesn't mean that we won't seek solace or puzzle pieces outside of ourselves – and it doesn’t invalidate the need to stay away from certain foods or kill those stinky parasites - but it DOES mean that the glue to making those elements work and STICK - is recognizing how our emotional and spiritual weaknesses will perpetuate our next downfall without that self love.

What I want to give you, more than anything, are three names. The gift is free. These three names are what helped me, during my Saturn Return, to understand that not one physical manifestation was without a subconscious thought pattern helping it into reality. These gifts are free because they can be found at the library. They're short, sweet and the most direct way to understand how we manifest our greatest tragedies AND our most brilliant come-backs.

1) Pema Chodron. This actualized woman is a Buddhist Nun who has written several wonderful books, all very small and very applicable. Her words were given to me when I finally fell to such a deep place in my life that I contemplated suicide. I had no family left and my health was failing. She doesn't know it, but she helped save my life. Read her book 'When Things Fall Apart' and perhaps follow up with 'Start Where You Are'.

2) Paulo Coelho. He wrote 'The Alchemist'. Again, a very small book that will change your life. Before you embark on either the trip to Thailand, or a journey inward, this small novel (perhaps 120 pages) will help shift your paradigm. The character's journey leads him around the world looking for what he believes will satiate him spiritually. His journey is incredibly close to your own heart's, my friend, as it was mine at the time it was gifted to me.

3) Louise Hay. It is very hard, at first, to pick up her book “You Can Heal Your Life”, flip to one’s physical malady and not be taken aback by the purported thought process that was the fuel to your body’s deficiency. You’ll put it down, walk away in annoyance and then…find your way back over to it. Subconscious thought patterns are not easy to overcome – look around you. The world is driven by them and we’re not really in that great at state, are we?

Trysten, I’ve seen your art and I’ve seen the spark in your eyes. You are meant to be an incredible help to a great many people in your life and it all shifts the moment we ask those difficult questions. You’ve asked yourself the questions about immunity, you’re asking questions about self love and you’ve dabbled in the origin of chemical tendencies. Find the space where they become the same thing and you will be heads and tails above these doldrums and you will never go back. Knowing the answers to these questions guarantees an express ticket to solving the celiac puzzle and perhaps – the answer to the whole universe.

And by the way – I wouldn’t go back and do my Saturn Return again if you paid me. It was just as, if not more painful, than puberty.

All my love and admiration,

Miss H




BTW, I found this great link on cz on a guy that cured himself of celiac:


http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=515692