Wife's blackmail 
xbow
16 y
14,381
† Cross †
Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
Original Dr. Hulda Clark
Hulda Clark Cleanses
Hello to everyone..this is my first time here.
My wife of 12 years has a history of exploding and throwing things at me and screaming at the top of her lungs inches from my face, if I go to another room she follows. I do my best to advoid confrontation with her. I do not even sleep in the bedroom with her. When I do speak up she says that she will take the kids, everything in the house, and leave. She used this increasingly over the past few months. The last couple days she has been real nice to me.
Well she got on me for sitting in my chair and she pulled out these papers saying she got an apartment. And that she is taking what she wants and leaving. Although she does say she loves me. But I do not trust her with my 3 kids. She has a history of snapping at them as well. The problem is I say the kids stay with me and she says she is taking them and if I try anything to stop her she will cry wolf (whatever that means) My kids are my life. I love them dearly and do not want anything to happen to them.
Are there any options for me ? Oh yeah my wife is still here. She says she does not want to go to her apartment because she has no furniture.
I am going nuts...and I cannot say anything or she goes ballistic. And I cannot handle that kind of stress any more.
- Re: Wife's blackmail #68716
16 y
13,973
This is a reply to # 1,128,838I'm sorry that your marriage is in such a state, xbow. I have a few suggestions.
First, I would hire the best divorce attorney that I could find. I realize that this would require me to lay out a large, lump sum in order to retain him/her, but I wouldn't make a single move without consulting and retaining an attorney.
Second, I would ask my spouse to attend marital counseling with me. You're describing behaviors that are, indeed, abusive and she may take advantage of the opportunity to help herself, her marriage, and (most important) her children by finding an emotionally healthier path.
Third, I would begin keeping a personal log that is hand-written and NOT saved to a technological device. I would note the dates, times, exact quotes, and children's reactions to any (and, all) disputes, threats, etc. This log would have to be written WITHOUT my adding emotional or moral judgements and would have to remain as objective as humanly possible. I would keep this journal in a safe, secure place and update it, daily. This log would prove invaluable to me if my spouse continued on the path to divorce.
THEN, I would document the history of my marriage in the same manner - no emotion, no judgement, just the facts, whether the facts and Truth make me look like an ass or not. This would also be hand-written and kept secure. My marital history may provide a pattern to these explosive episodes, my reactions to them, my possible involvement in producing them, etc. This marital history would include every detail that I could remember: shopping sprees, violent episodes, drug abuse, insurance fraud, mutual accomplishments (earning degrees, promotions), changes in residences, etc., etc., etc.
THEN, I would involve my Self in individual counseling. If I am being abused, a counselor will be able to help me move from victim into the status of Survivor. In addition, I would learn tools to help me cope with the road ahead as well as have documented evidence of my spouse's abusive behaviors. I would also involve my children in counseling to help them deal with what's been going on because THEY are more victimized than I have been - children do not have a choice as to whom their parents will be and they suffer, silently, when domestic violence and abuse rages around their innocent heads.
Separation and divorce is never mutual or kind - either there is money on the line or children that are fought over. No matter how tempted you are, LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF ALL ADULT ISSUES!!!!!!!!! This means that you do not discuss your utility bills with them, the reasons that mommy and daddy are arguing, NOTHING. Children are quite aware of the tension, but they cannot process the adult information that comes along with separation and divorce - do not, do not, DO NOT involve your children in your issues. And, DO NOT use your children as tools of negotiation, threat, or anything else. These children are going to be affected by everything that's happened, already. If your wife feels the need to use these poor kids as weapons, kindly (and, QUIETLY) point out to her that the children have nothing to do with the issues between the two of you and to please, leave them out of your issues.
Hope that some of this is helpful to you. Best wishes to you.Advertisement
Organic Detoxification Program
Cleanse your body of toxins and wastes. Feel vibrant and youthful again!
- Clarification #68716
16 y
13,580
This is a reply to # 1,128,919"LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF ALL ADULT ISSUES!!!!!!!!! This means that you do not discuss your utility bills with them, the reasons that mommy and daddy are arguing, NOTHING." It occured to me that "nothing" will be misinterpreted, so I wanted to clarify what I actually meant.
By "nothing," I meant that the children should never be told things like, "Well, mommy and daddy haven't had sex in months," or, "Mommy is just acting crazy, again," or, "Mommy can't take very good care of you," or, "If mommy didn't have to take medications, we could buy better birthday presents for you guys," etc. Although we have all been guilty of it, we should try our level best to leave the kids out of the adult issues. I remember how horrified I was to hear my 9 year old neice complain to me that her father had to pay $600 for their electric bill that month - WHY should a 9 year old child be burdened with that kind of information?!?! Could she do anything about the bill? What was she supposed to do with that knowledge? Was she expected to fret and stress along with her parents? Do you see where I'm going with this?
Certainly, children must have answers, but involving your Self (and, your children) in counseling will help to provide answers that aren't intentionally damaging and YOU will learn how to answer questions diplomatically.
"Daddy? Why are you and mommy always fighting?" might formerly have been answered with, "Because, your mother is dead wrong." With counseling, you can learn to answer with something along the lines of, "We aren't able to agree on some things, but we're going to learn how to talk to each other so that we can disagree without feeling angry about it." Ask the question to yourself, out loud. Then, read each answer, out loud. Imagine the impact that words can have on a child's psyche and you'll start to get the picture a bit more clearly.
Again, best wishes.
- Clarification #68716
16 y
13,580
- Re: Wife's blackmail BlueRose
16 y
13,800
Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
Original Dr. Hulda Clark
Hulda Clark Cleanses
This is a reply to # 1,128,838Please heed what SoulfulSurvivor has written. My mother was verbally, emotionally, and at time physically abusive to my father and us kids. I can't stress enough that whatever happens, please do all you can to protect your kids. When you see your wife being abusive towards them, please find the strength to stand up to her and tell her "enough!" No, it won't be easy but it's far better than throwing your kids to the wolves. My father would not stand up to our mother when he witnessed her abusing us, but he would tell us to shut up and take all the abuse because when we fought back (figuratively speaking) she would yell at him later. In other words, he put his own well-being before ours.
If your wife refuses to go to counseling or goes but doesn't stick with it, then for the sake of your own well being and that of your kids, then it would be time to leave and take the kids. SoulfulSurvivor has given you wise counseling regarding documenting things and consulting with a lawyer.
I commend you for recognizing that things aren't good--to say the least!--and for wanting to do something about it. My father would tell me that he was going to leave my mother. He did but came back 5 months later saying that it was too expensive to divorce her! That's BS! No, divorce isn't cheap but sometimes it's the only good alternative.
Also, I would look inwardly to see if you are attracted to the same type of woman again and again. If so, then consider counseling for yourself to break this pattern. Before he was married to my mother, my father had a first wife who had the same personality. When my mother died, he married a woman with those same personality traits. In his case, he can't see that pattern. Talking to him about it, doesn't make a difference. The interesting thing? He talks about how much he misses my mother!
Please don't be like my father! If your wife won't get or stick to counseling, then get your kids out of that toxic situation.Advertisement
Organic Detoxification Program
Cleanse your body of toxins and wastes. Feel vibrant and youthful again!
- Re: Wife's blackmail montrealhomegrown
16 y
13,651
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
Original Dr. Hulda Clark
Hulda Clark Cleanses
This is a reply to # 1,137,504going to keep this short and sweet, keep a tape recorder on you and catch her saying all kinds of crazy @$#! next time she flips out, dont even tell her you have the dirt on her. If ever she tries to take your kids play 2 hours of tape in court. the judge wont think twice,. once you get the have the tape i suggest leaving that miserable @%! and take your kids with you out of that warzone environment. YOU DESERVE BETTER.. well probably :P
- Re: Wife's blackmail montrealhomegrown
16 y
13,651
- Re: Lovely Wife #82897
16 y
13,606
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,128,838Hey Man! Why don't you treat your wife like you did when you were first dating. Or even later dating. Tell her you love her. Compliment her every chance you get. Ignore her throwing things, except to take into consideration why she may be doing that. Find the remedy and apply it. Give her gifts. Help out with the children. Hug her when you meet. Smile often at her. Just try to get along and bring some love back into your marriage. You need it. She needs it. Your children need it.
- Re: Lovely Wife #82897
16 y
13,475
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
Clarkia Tincture
Hulda Clark Parasites Cleansing Tincture, 2 oz, 4 oz, 8 oz, and 16 oz
This is a reply to # 1,128,838Hey Man! Why don't you treat your wife like you did when you were first dating. Or even later dating. Tell her you love her. Compliment her every chance you get. Ignore her throwing things, except to take into consideration why she may be doing that. Listen to what she is saying. Find the remedy and apply it. Give her gifts. Help out with the children. Hug her when you meet. Smile often at her. Just try to get along and bring some love back into your marriage. You need it. She needs it. Your children need it. And last but not certainly not least, have daily Bible reading together as a family, and thank God for your blessings.Advertisement
Organic Detoxification Program
Cleanse your body of toxins and wastes. Feel vibrant and youthful again!
- Re: Lovely Wife #68716
16 y
13,832
This is a reply to # 1,153,024
Yes, it sure would be nice if the abuses of mankind could be healed because the victim chooses to demonstrate healthy interactions, #82897.
It is not my intention to belittle your gentle suggestions - don't we all wish that your suggestions would be all it might take to end the cycles, but domestic violence and abuse doesn't occur because the perpetrator just needs a little more love. Perpetrators of physical and emotional abuse are addicted to power and control - it becomes an almost erotic exercise to elicit fear and terror in their victims. They do not view their victims as human beings with feelings, aspirations, or worth. Perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse view their victims (including the children) as no more meaningful than a barnacle attached to the hull of a ship. For men who are abused, this is an even greater issue because well-meaning people make suggestions or observations that question the victim's actions and render their attempts at finding help moot due to the stigma attached to female-on-male domestic violence and abuse. The incidents of women abusing men are so underreported that research clinicians really can't provide a clear picture of just how many men are being abused, even as I type.
Have you taken the Domestic Violence Survey, yet? Have you researched domestic violence and abuse? I am certain that you have meant well, #82897, but sitting the family down together and reading the Bible (Koran, or Torah) will not - WILL NOT - end the abuse. In fact, introducing religious or spiritual doctrines can often exacerbate the abuse and gives the perpetrator new tools of destruction in the forms of religious quotes and doctrines - this is called, "religious/spiritual abuse." Please, read up some more on this epidemic and learn what an insidious and, often, incurable pattern of behavior domestic violence and abuse is:
http://curezone.com/faq/p/s.asp?a=25,1720,2956&s=58
***Click on the BLUE question marks in the survey questions to find web-pages relevant to the statistics***
http://www.domesticviolence.org/
http://www.ndvh.org/
http://www.drirene.com/male_victims_of_domestic_violenc.htm
http://www.safe4all.org/forums/message-view?message_id=20967
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_ef...These sites are just a drop in the bucket - each State has its own coalition on domestic violence and abuse along with hundreds of groups and agencies that are dedicated to assisting victims and breaking the cycle. Learn more, please, so that you can formulate an understanding of why your gentle suggestions won't be helpful, more's the pity.
Best wishes to you.
- Re: Lovely Wife #68716
16 y
13,832
- Lovely, lovely wife #82897
16 y
13,627
Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
Original Dr. Hulda Clark
Hulda Clark Cleanses
This is a reply to # 1,128,838Since I wrote Lovely Wife to you, and you never bickered, I will write you again, and not cast my pearls before swine. As Jesus Christ said in Matthew 7:6..KJV. Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
First I would like to apologize for sending the other message twice. I thought it had not gone through, then I added more to it and sent it, not knowing the other one had already been sent. I'm sorry.
Different people have different opinions and beliefs. When I mentioned Bible, I meant no other than the King James Version of the HOLY BIBLE. All revised versions are taken from this one with some things left out and some added and Rev 21:19 KJV
says And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
James 4:8 says Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. And John 1:1 says In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. So this tells us to read the Word.
If all abused men would read the Word daily and encourage others, they would get the answers they need for having better relationships etc. May God Bless you!
Advertisement
Organic Detoxification Program
Cleanse your body of toxins and wastes. Feel vibrant and youthful again!
- Final word, 82897 #68716
16 y
13,688
This is a reply to # 1,153,614
This is my last post on Curezone.com. To the original poster, I apologize that this thread was turned away from your immediate needs and into a religious debate. Please, read beyond the prattle and get help for your Self. You aren't alone and there is no shame in being a victim, only shame in remaining one once we've recognized what's been perpetrated against us.
To you, #82897, I feel that you wish very much to provide what you believe to be The Only Answer to validate control issues and that you are attempting to instigate a narcissistic, online debate using religion as your modus operandis. My reference to the Bible, Koran, and Torah were general and what you choose to hold as Truth is a personal choice and should not be forced down the throats of anyone else - this is precisely why God blessed/cursed mankind with the Choice of Free Will. If we have choice, then we must take responsibility for our choices. Obviously, you have chosen to ignore the suggestions that you peruse the Domestic Abuse Survey, research provided sites, and learn about the causes of domestic abuse and violence - that is your choice and free will. Choosing to remain ignorant flies directly in the face of what you are attempting to espouse.
Once more, I will attempt to educate you on religious/spiritual abuse: my ex-abuser used quotes out of context from the King James version of the Holy Bible as a tool and weapon to question my Faith and to force me into submission. Those who choose to use scriptural quotes out of context do so in an attempt to control - period. Your absurd suggestion that the Holy Bible contains "all of the answers" to abuse Survival is dangerous because you are suggesting that the original poster - by whom this thread was started - will Survive the abuse that he has (and, continues) to endure at the hands of someone that he committed himself to through religion and not through his own personal choices. READ AND LEARN, 82897, before you cause men who are seeking HELP and ANSWERS to feel more shame, guilt, helpless, and utterly emasculated.
http://www.spiritwatch.org/relabuse.htm
http://www.homeworship101.com/fyi_religious_abuse.htm ***EXCELLENT Minister's site***
http://home.earthlink.net/~rebafan/abusetype.html- Re: Final word, 82897, yours or his? nono
16 y
13,639
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
Parasites Cleanse
Hulda Clark Cleanses
This is a reply to # 1,153,797Is this your final word or is this 82897's final word
I do agree with you on the bible scriptures, it seems those who use them are those that need them, but isn't this always the case?
The world is a mirror, and when we peer into another's garbage we are likely to find our own.
It may be why it can be upsetting or perhaps that is a flying leap of faith
Sorry, a little levity goes a long ways
Particularly for upwards mobility
- Re: Final word, 82897, yours or his? nono
16 y
13,639
- Final word, 82897 #68716
16 y
13,688
- Re: Wife's blackmail #68716
16 y
13,973
