Clarification

"LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF ALL ADULT ISSUES!!!!!!!!! This means that you do not discuss your utility bills with them, the reasons that mommy and daddy are arguing, NOTHING." It occured to me that "nothing" will be misinterpreted, so I wanted to clarify what I actually meant.

By "nothing," I meant that the children should never be told things like, "Well, mommy and daddy haven't had sex in months," or, "Mommy is just acting crazy, again," or, "Mommy can't take very good care of you," or, "If mommy didn't have to take medications, we could buy better birthday presents for you guys," etc. Although we have all been guilty of it, we should try our level best to leave the kids out of the adult issues. I remember how horrified I was to hear my 9 year old neice complain to me that her father had to pay $600 for their electric bill that month - WHY should a 9 year old child be burdened with that kind of information?!?! Could she do anything about the bill? What was she supposed to do with that knowledge? Was she expected to fret and stress along with her parents? Do you see where I'm going with this?

Certainly, children must have answers, but involving your Self (and, your children) in counseling will help to provide answers that aren't intentionally damaging and YOU will learn how to answer questions diplomatically.

"Daddy? Why are you and mommy always fighting?" might formerly have been answered with, "Because, your mother is dead wrong." With counseling, you can learn to answer with something along the lines of, "We aren't able to agree on some things, but we're going to learn how to talk to each other so that we can disagree without feeling angry about it." Ask the question to yourself, out loud. Then, read each answer, out loud. Imagine the impact that words can have on a child's psyche and you'll start to get the picture a bit more clearly.

Again, best wishes. Tweet