Honey, you have some maturing to do. While I know you are lonely, you are not doing either yourself, or any woman a favor by seeking a relationship. Maturity is the key. You are still young, full of conflicts. We were all there once. There is a passion with youth (even angry passion) that fades with time. I feel that you will blossom as you get close to your 30's. In the meantime, there is no shame in being alone.

At this point you may have one night stands, with like-minded women who also have conflicts about relationships. The one thing you don't want to do is take some poor, sensitive woman and hurt her. I knew many men like you in my early 20's. What you are going to get are women that want to fix you (the ones that are attracted to that sort of thing). You must resist those poor creatures, and let them get men that will respond in kind.

I think that men really start to get it together between 28 and 30. They start to feel the need to settle down, and you will notice there is a great deal of weddings between people at that age. In fact you will go to a wedding a weekend around then for old friends. Divorces start about 4-6 years later. Then another spat of 2nd weddings about 35. I know, sounds weird, but these are my observances.

So, while we want you to be happy, I think the only way for you right now is to deal with this issue. The hurt will slowly subside. The need to be close to someone will mellow you. You'll get there. In the meantime, enjoy the company of friends. You never know, the perfect woman may just jump out at you in the most unlikely of places. Women are everywhere, and you are correct, there are many in your future.

The one thing I am concerned about is how you are communicating to people now. Deep down inside, do you really want to make people uncomfortable? Even if you get the benefits of...reverse rapport? It's a high negative, and people have to work very hard to get to the "rapport". Oh sure, eventually they will say, "why, he's not so bad". But it grows tiresome that game. I wonder why you decided to be so abrasive? Who was your role model?

Rygar, seriously, it's this issue you need to work on more than relationships. I'm sure you can get sex. But friendships built on friendliness and compassion? That is the stuff of life. People who can depend on you to challenge them intellectually, but not emotionally. You want to know yourself? You have some digging to do my friend. I've read your posts on this forum, and while a bit abrasive, there is a kinder and gentler side to you. You're not a bad guy at all.

I have a friend who is like this at 40. But because he is such a good friend, I can put up with those moods. He has too many good qualities to let the bad ruin what we have. I will tell you however, he has not had a proper relationship in his entire life, and he is miserable. He is just now learning to be giving and caring and unabrasive to his objects of affection. He is very lonely now. And I don't want this for you. You have some major work to do, and I'm not sure how you are to go about doing this.

Meditation comes to mind. Some sort of mental/body kind of work. You are at the perfect age to start. Don't wait until you are 40 like my buddy. Consider what I say a kind of warning, your life will pass quickly, and you have to utilize your intellectual gifts now. You are definitely not dumb. And you are not a loser. Two things that you can use to your advantage.

Think about what I said. Perhaps I am way off base because I don't know you personally. My instincts on this are strong however.

Hey, I'm 51. I've seen a lot. I'm not perfect, but it's taken me years to know who the hell I am!!

Love, Molly

"being aware of myself being bipolar,paranoid schizophrenic and bisexual..it adds ALOT to the plate and I have so many emotions going on it's so hard to deal with.."

ignore the labels

the human race is plagued by infectious diseases that cause doctors to issue diagnoses for which there is no cure, except a life time of prescription drugs to control the symptoms

you are what you choose to be, no matter what other people want to call you or think of you, AND regardless of how you might be compelled to behave when you are feeling sick

love and respect for the self is a pre-requisite for gaining the love and respect of someone else

you are a well-intentioned soul, who wants to love and be loved in return,
so the bottom line is a positive

take good care of yourself, treat yourself kindly, and it will show
when others can see that you love and respect yourself, they will treat you well too, maybe not everybody, but most people

if you don't really like yourself yet, treat yourself kindly, as if you do

do it one day at a time
you are probably a very intuitive person

intutive images and symbols are usually representative of what has already occured, and not what is about to happen


take care and you will establish good friendships that will eventually lead you to love

love often comes when you've grown to love solitude
and a little good company, every once in a while, is something you could cherish

what you are longing for is already yours, you just have to go through the process of learning how to love yourself, in order to realize it

peace of mind does not exist outside yourself
if you are looking for someone, something or some condition outside of you, to make you feel whole, you will be searching forever

it is within your power
it is within you



http://www.pointofreturn.com/about_us.html

I have no idea how my avatar got there...I have never even seen that picture before :-)

"would it be wise to just wear my emotional states on my sleeve and just 'be genuine'..genuinely screwed up? or would I try my best to maybe not conceal these feelings but riding them out and trying my best to deal with them,maybe improve on them? is that fake? or is it improving myself to appear less vulnerable to the world?"

well, here you go. There is your problem. You worry too much about what you are from the outside. Dont bother "appearing vulnerable" or what is wise. Dont worry about conceiling feelings or improve them (who says which one should be improved anyway?). Again, you talk about how you want to not appear vulnerable but how you lay it all out on the table.....that doesnt really go together. Just be who you are.I dont mean it in an attacking way. You have a big contradiction in what you say and the ends dont fit together. Dont appear a certain way...it doesnt work and it will cost you so much life energy that it feel leave you feeling drained and depressed (from what I understand this might already be happening). Just get to the place inside that is home and let yourself be without rationalising how you are and who you are....you are good the way you are- no more, no less.

"I may be an emotional wreck and my interpersonal relationships suck horribly..but the one thing I am good at is tenacity and staying on track (maybe more like obsessive lol) and having a one track mind when I want something.I can have a horribly strong will and discipline..though those traits hardly count as anything to be attracted to."

Actually those are desirable traits. For example: Do you know how many people try and fail at dieting? Have you seen the obesity rates in America? None of these people can last for more than a couple of days or weeks at best before falling off the wagon. No discipline. Put your tentacity to use for good and it'll be rewarding. Just have to think of what now.... Hmmm..

My mind is very probing too. :)

"I may be an emotional wreck and my interpersonal relationships suck horribly..but the one thing I am good at is tenacity and staying on track (maybe more like obsessive lol) and having a one track mind when I want something.I can have a horribly strong will and discipline..though those traits hardly count as anything to be attracted to."

I used to be, and still am to some extent just like that too. Girls liked me back in high school, but I was always too shy, unworthy etc..even though I was a well built athletic guy.

PS Dave Draper rules!

-Nils