Dear Katsump,

My late husband left me with a profound statement that I now try to live by.  "Emotions are your worst enemy."

However, we do have emotions and sometimes we do tend to lose control and things snowball.  The good news is that we can regroup.

I will start with the new love in your life.  We have all experienced trauma and hurt when it comes to relationships.  Don't let that rob you from the happiness that may lie ahead.  Of course, get to know the person and be wise, but don't lose your inherent trust in people, as it is that trust that will form the bond when you meet the love of your life.

Don't be too hard on yourself.  Always love yourself, at all costs.  Sometimes, we slip, but hey, we're human.  Just get up, dust yourself off and keep going. 

You have gone through a lot of change and a lot of stress.  I'm sure the end of a relationship was a tough one.  It always is.  This may have shaken your inner stability.  It also sounds like you are depressed and suffering from some anxiety, if not suffering from a lot of anxiety with suicidal thoughts.  Something, or a few things are bothering you.  With love, I want you to sit down in a quiet place and be honest with yourself.  Pinpoint what is bothering you with regard to the changes in your life, the loss of the relationship, anything.  The problem could also be something that has been under the surface for a while and these changes may have heightened it.  Examine yourself as to whether they have anything to do with insecurity and/or self esteem.  I find that these two issues are the root of the majority of problems.  "We are all born with the need to be loved and accepted."

Whatever the problem is, I want you to face it.  If it is painful, cry.  But know what you are dealing with.  If you have reached actual anxiety, what is bothering you may be buried so deep, that you may not be able to pinpoint it.  That's okay. In that case, just let it go. 

The good news is that you recognize where you have stopped caring for yourself.  Boost your self esteem by taking care of "you."  Do what is good and healthy for "you."  Do it with love, as a parent taking care of a child if need be.

First and foremost, get rid of the wine.  The sugar in alcohol is deadly for anxiety and can make it snowball.  It can even make you "crash" depending on the severity of the anxiety.  The "relief" is deceitful and very temporary.  It is your enemy "Number 1."

As for smoking, have you smoked enough that you are addicted?  How severe is your anxiety?  Are you able to quit comfortably?  I say comfortably because I don't want to increase your anxiety right now.  Are you able to decrease gradually?  Maybe time your cigarettes?  Whatever method works for you.  However, you need to be psychologically ready to quit.  This can also be done and I can help you with this if you wish.

Proper nutrition and supplements is the best cure for depression and anxiety.  Chances are, you are not eating well either.  Stop all fast foods.  Stop all sugar.  This is imperative.  You are health conscious, so you know what to do.

However, first and foremost, for some reason you are hurting inside.  Let's take care of that hurt.  This moment in time is the beginning of the rest of your life.  Know that your love and happiness  does not depend on anything on the outside.  It is within you.  You hold the key.  Love yourself, consider yourself important and treat yourself accordingly.  When you do that, you will attract your happiness and the love of your life. 

Change your thinking.  Count your blessings.  What do your appreciate?  And I mean the little things.  The warmth of the sun?  The leaves changing color? A lovely breeze as you walk?  What are your surroundings like?  Make your house comfortable for you.  Someplace you love to be.  This can be done without a lot of expense.  Give thanks.  One statement that helped me immensely during my healing, and still does is "Thank you God for my Healing."

And continue the affirmations.  Feel the emotion as you say them.  My personal affirmations are:

I am capable.
I am worthwhile.
I am lovable.
I attract abundance.

Say your affirmations often and if necessary put up little reminders like a mirror, the refrigerator, etc.

When you notice your thoughts dwelling on sadness, worry, fear, or anything negative, immediately change it to something positive.  Sadness to joy and comfort, worry to security.  When I was at my worst despair, I would imagine myself cradled in God's loving arms.  Wonderful meditation.  Also, a positive thought is ten times stronger than a negative one.

Lastly, act the part.  I am a panic/anxiety disorder/agoraphobic survivor.  I believe my true healing took place when I made an agreement with myself to act positive, happy and self assured no matter how badly I felt.  Although it was very difficult at first, in not too long of a time it became habit and a new me was born.

However, never "force" yourself to do anything.  I don't believe in "white knuckling" it.  Emotional healing is a "loving" journey.  When you feel that collapsing exhaustion, merely "rest."  In the meantime, nourish your body with the proper foods and supplements.  If you need help with this, Tony and I will be more than happy to guide you.  I am going to direct you to a site from another Curezone Member that has an anxiety background.  Actually, this is the answer.  If I would have known this twenty years ago, I would not have lost ten years of my life.

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/beating_anxiety.html

Read this entire site.  Depression, anxiety, panic and other mental illnesses that I personally call "emotional illnesses" are merely nutritional deficiencies.  It's a blood sugar problem.  Read every link and follow this diet.  You will be feeling better in no time.

Lastly, unfortunately dissapointing things happen to us and we do become sad.  This is a normal human function.  The secret is to deal with this sadness before it becomes depression.  That's when things become difficult.  Because of the way our society emphasizes "feeling good" all the time, we tend to repress or deny our sadness.  That's when depression is born.  Deal with the sadness, experience it.  We can either fix the problem or accept it.  Sometimes we just have to accept it and move on. 

Most of all, realize your beauty and your uniqueness as a human being.  Love yourself and take time out to do things you enjoy.

I sincerely hope I have helped you.   Start now.  Look to the future not to the past.  Get up, dust yourself off, and take the road leading to love, trust, and happiness.

If you need me, I'm here.

Hugs,♥

Luella