Day 4

Other people's words and actions can be so hurtful sometimes. Even worse is that many of them don't even realize that they've done anything wrong. Their words can pierce another's soul right to the core and yet they can't see it. Why do we do this to one another....This is so very sad...

Date:   5/26/2006 4:42:06 PM   ( 18 y ) ... viewed 2397 times

I started my day on this crazy high! I had so much energy, I felt happy and light and then within a few hours of working I felt horrible! It wasn't my acutal work that got to me it was more the things that people said. I don't understand this about people, why can't some people think before they speak? Don't they realize that what they say, however insignificant or inconsequential it may seem to them, it may not be to teh other person in fact, it can have a negative impact by being significant and consequential to that person....That's what happened to me. A few people said and did some very negative things and it sucked the joy right out of me leaving me feeling hurt, angry, upset, isolated and used.

I'm glad I had a distance to drive after work. I just about broke down and cried a few times. I kept thinking what I needed was to get to the liquor store and get some wine!, it seemed like a great solution at the time. Numb the pain of my emotions with alcohol so that I wouldn't feel. Then pass out and welcome a brand new day a fresh start tomorrow. As I drove,thought about this, about my fast and how much it means to me to succeed at this. I also called a friend and talked to her about my day. She said some very encouraging things to me that helped me to put things into perspective....Instead of going to the liquor store, I ended up at a juice bar and spurged on a fresh vegeteble juice mix of carrots, spinach, beets and apple. A little bit tangy for my liking but it kept me on track!. Now at home I'm having some fruit juice and peppermint tea. I can't say that I feel amazing but I feel like I've coped well given the situation. I've passed another day. I believe, given time that I will feel better, my mood will improve and I will surpass this "episode" without breaking my fast or engaging in risk behaviours like drinking. I believe that everything that I need to heal is inside of me. I will get through this and into another day. I will have to stay strong.

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