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I'm getting overwhelmed!
Thoughts on screen
Date: 10/27/2005 8:34:53 PM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 1944 times I am moving in two months and I have SO MUCH stuff to get rid of. This pack-rat thing is not helping me right now. I've got lots of stuff on e-bay but thats only the tip of the iceberg. I really need to make a calander of things to do for the next 2 months so I dont keep freaking out over these things.
Still eating like crap, about to eat a Butterfinger, but it would be better with ice cream.....
My dad is going in for surgery to have a large cyst removed from his sinus. He's really afraid that this it. He feels his mortality being tested. The surgery is compilcated and requires 2 surgens. I am scared as well.
I can write more stuff but I don't feel like doing it. If I stop writing, I will probably go eat my Butterfinger. Or keep doing stuff on the internet. What SHOULD I be doing? I really should put a calandar together.....oh but Ice Cream would be so good!
Egggh....I don't feel so well....mind and body. When will I stop this madness/ It's obvious that the pain is not great enough. So do I just accelerate it by going all out.....or will it be just as effective over a period of time? Just surrender! Just do it! What is driving these compulsions?!?! Is it my lack of intimacy with another? Is it strees related to moving? Does it have to continue? Don't you know that you'll feel better if you get back on track! C'mon you m*o*o*n! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF!!!! I was doing so well, and then I sabatoged it all, and I continue to do it! Why are you doing it? What makes you want to destroy yourself? Where is the comfort in that. All these questions make the ice cream seem that much more appealing. So it's obvious that I dont like looking at this stuff. Obvious that I dont like looking at myself, why? Because there is something wrong with me and I feel powerless over changing that. But that is false! It's not true! It's an illusion. You are an awesome person! Yuo deserve better for yourself. Quit beating yourself up and make the change! Do something good for yourself! And I go blank......
Where are you? What are you thinking? What's good for me? Clean up your room! That always brings a refreshing feeling. So despite the huge mounds of e-bay shit, straighten things up. O.K. Here I go......lets get some music going....
Well, thats quite an improvement!
Do I feel better? Yea, a little. I don't feel like continuing....
Maybe I should go to bed early......
I sure am tired....
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