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My history
Warning: It is long and may bore some of you unless you relate or need it . . .
So. . .without further ado. . .
Date: 3/6/2008 10:37:16 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2044 times The following is rather long I will admit, but I wanted to be able to help those in a similar situation/ get it out there. I have omitted much of my personal history and have kept it focused on health/food.
By no means do I feel sorry for myself or am I trying to complain. I am just stating my history so that I may change my current situation. In the last few years or so have been taking responsibility for myself more and more (something I was not taught). I have changed large parts of my life paradigm (religious beliefs, social beliefs and responsibility, etc. etc. etc. ) So . . . without further ado. . . my history
I have been overweight most of my life.
At age 5, I started gaining a tremendous amount of weight. (I was just a little wisp before then). I really don't know what caused it other than sitting around at home with my dad who would hide candy bars and eat them and watch tv. So I started learning some bad habits then. And dad hated "quacks." He was born in 1925, so doctors were still fairly new and he didn't agree. Candy/chocolate would become my way of remembering him later after he passed. Then a faltering self image and several crash diets my mom tried to put me on (that's what she knew) - it got me into the cycle of using food for comfort, to fill boredom, loneliness, etc and become more acceptable. In other words, food has been my bud for many a year. (Of course, with any addiction, the thing doing the harm is the one you rely on...?!)
So, here I am - 34 years old, and about 100 pounds overweight. I haven't dieted for a few years - that's part of the tremendous weight gain. That and evil birth control (sorry to offend if some are for it - it just really messed me up). I purposefully stopped dieting because of the constant criticism and demanding for me to diet from a family member (hello. . . I'm an adult now) It was my way of starting to break the cycle.
Of course this gave me free rein on what to eat - uh oh. And of course none of it was healthy (or at least not much).
I got married in 2004, the year prior started on Depo. They wouldn't let me have the pill since I was a little (and I mean little) hypertensive. I started spotting just about all the time. They weren't too concerned about that. I decided to stop after the third shot. After about a year, I stopped bleeding altogether. Then a year after that - I started bleeding all the time. I know my body is just trying to balance itself out. No doctor can truly help me except if they were to take away my uterus or put me on more pills and I will not have that. So - I am going to water fast to balance out the hormones and to lose some of the weight (I know it can't be helping, as excess fat increases hormonal imbalance).
I did start getting a little more healthy this last year. Started eating a little better and getting a healthier mindset about myself and what I need to do. I am exceedingly lucky to have a supportive husband who also wants to get healthier. He will be juice fasting though as his job is more demanding and then water fast as he sees fit.
Of course, like most Americans, fasting is considered to be anorexia or starving yourself or what not. It is not generally acceptable, but becoming more and more so by a small populace. (Damn overconsumption and diet "gurus" - really ruins it if you are trying to reallllly get TRULY healthy and everyone else thinks you're nuts) So, I've got some socio/familial stigmas about fasting that I am overcoming. I actually love the idea of being free from food as it has bound me for many years.
There is a section on what my goals will be. . .they will make more sense having read my history. If you have read this - I thank you.
My symbol of transformation. . .
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