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Day 18 She's a maniac..maniac ...for some love!
Damn it!!! I'm choosing to "don't worry and BE HAPPY!" (whistle with me.)
Date: 1/27/2008 9:56:43 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2932 times Day 18…
Another beautiful day I was able to wake and breathe the sweet air of Mother Nature.
It has been a good day. I have gotten much needed rest and I had some very interesting dreams. I have been searching for meaning in them as they are not disturbing, but insightful. In the dream I had today, it was a lucid dream. I was in a home I recently bought and it wasn’t in great shape, but it did show my great sense of style! It was decorated beautifully and I was showing the place to a friend and as I walked, I thought, this place is not good enough. Then as if my soul spoke to me, I heard “that is IT! That is what you do. By what standard do you judge yourself and deem yourself to be inadequate?” That is the feeling I got… something like a jolt. And that jolt is real. I find that most of us have self-defeating self talk that is reminding us how good we are NOT. Who the hell is this person?!?!?! As of today I banish this weak crybaby energy vampire out of my thoughts and my Queendom! Out! OUT I say!!!!
How can we expect to grow and hear the guidance that we are blessed with in every moment if we are constantly measuring ourselves against a scale we can never beat. Whose idea of perfection have we mistakenly aligned ourselves with?? If my only job is to live, I intend to do just that without all the damn illusions of inadequacy. We are all perfect just the way we are right where we are. I am changing my name to Fabulous Perfectina! Why the hell don’t we all feel fabulously wonderful all the time??? Really… if you think about it… Happiness is a choice and it feels really good. Like SEX!!! I love sex and I love being happy even more..(well…uhhh..I think I like it more)! Come with me and let us be thankful and grateful for all that is... and enjoy it. Damn I am tired of being stressed and tired of being stressed about being tired!
Now that I have finished my moral for the day…I know…I know.. but I can’t help myself.
I realized I must stop staring at myself in the damn mirror.. Yes, it is true, I am beautiful! But I have come to understand that I can’t measure inches, centimeters or detox reduction by vision alone. I didn’t buy a scale because I didn’t want to be obsessed with weight loss, but I must admit.. it has been nagging me in the back of my mind. I intend to relax and continue to focus on enjoying this process. I want to focus on JOY! (Message!!)
Not too much hunger today, but I must confess… I can not tell a lie! I look forward to the enema everyday, not because it feels soo good, :-) but because I want to see all that sh!t come out! Get out! GET OUT I say! I actually feel lighter and it makes me want to eat healthier because who the hell wants to walk around with 50 pounds of crap inside of you that you ate back in 2005! My skin still looks dry like uncooked pie crust and no amount of lotion has soothed me. I have almost drowned myself with water so I don’t know what the problem is. I am going to lather up in some extra virgin olive oil…that should help make me shine shine shine!
I have been thinking about what I will eat, I looked up some vegitarian recipies. This means I am going to have to learn how to cook. For some reason, I have started to have some fears about how I will eat because I am embarking on something very very new. I intend to learn much more about raw foods and transitioning to a vegitarian diet and I welcome any advice.
My breath is smelling better today… now I can talk to people without first singeing my own nose hairs!
As you can see, I am feeling good. I have made several new commitments to myself. I am going to write everyday when I first wake up, which is going to be interesting because I don’t like getting up in the morning anyway…but we must do what we must do.
My second commitment is that I am going to take myself on a date once a week. I am going to do things I have never done and they will range from the simple venture to a vintage shop, craft store, ethnic restaurant… whatever. I am going to awaken my inner adventurer and explore!
My third commitment is that I am actually going to finish reading 1 book. This is big for me because I am somewhat of a book whore (yes I said whore)… I LOVE BOOKS. My wish list on Amazon is 18 pages long! (Don’t laugh) I will put a book down for the next best hardcover and never finish the other off. Since I am working on focusing.. this will be a good start.
I think I have revealed enough of myself for one day. Hope I made you laugh, smile, cry and say Ahaaa!
I send you my love and support.
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